Coming Back Home

Chapter 1

One Month Later 

Yejin absolutely hates waiting. She prides herself for being prompt all the time and values the time of others. However, as she sits in a corner in the coffeeshop that she chose to meet with Gil, she welcomed the time afforded to her because he was running late. Checking her watch, which showed that it was a quarter of an hour past seven...fifteen minutes past their meeting time, Yejin took a deep breath for the nth time.

The past two months have been a haze. She needed a couple of weeks to absorb the diagnosis. Had to go through some other tests and then allowed her fears and hesitation to stew in her head. Her oncologist told her that the prognosis was good as the disease was in the early stage but that became another reason for her to delay the inevitable.

Should I get my children involved? Why would I have them go through so much anxiety when it should be okay after treatment right?

Yejin hated asking for help or bothering other people with her troubles.

Can she keep all of her family out of the loop? Bin included? Can she pull it off?

She knew she was running out of time and had to decide soon as she began her treatment.

But first, Gil.

One year after her divorce, Yejin slowly started dating. However, after one or two dates, she quickly lost interest with them and would make an excuse to stop them from thinking that she liked them back. Six months after she started dating, she completely stopped actively looking. What was the point? She thought. There wasn't any connection with any of them and going out started to feel like a visit to the dentist for a root canal. So she went back to her goals of focusing on herself, finding herself...that stuff that Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about in her book. Only, her version of "Eat, Pray, Love" didn't involve travel and dating. She invested much into activities such as yoga (took a course and now, she's a licensed yoga instructor), making coffee (worked part time for a few months in a famous coffee chain just to immerse herself ) and of course, her first love, creative writing.

She met Gil at a time where she felt that she was most fulfilled as a woman. He was a lawyer who frequented one of her favorite coffeeshops near the university where she worked. Being a regular, he told her that he has noticed her for a while and one day, just felt that he had to absolutely talk to her. She was not attracted to him in the beginning but she was drawn to his charm and humor. He made her laugh and coffee dates quickly turned into dinner dates. She even brought him to a family lunch with Bin and the kids, a couple of times. Something she was proud to have done. After all, if they were going to be in for the long haul, she had to see him with the people she cared about the most. Surprisingly, everyone got along pretty well. Bin and Gil even shared the same interest in baseball. It's been seven months since they started to officially be in a relationship. Yejin remembers the day that she finally gave him her commitment. She did have doubts about him but ...

The past two months though have been off for her and Gil. She couldn't pinpoint exactly what the difference was but she sensed that he was starting to be less present, even when they were together. He seemed distracted and unable to hold her gaze. A couple of times, she caught him looking at her with an expression she couldn't read. Something must be up with him. Must be work. She knows how passionate he is when it comes to his job. And so, here she was, gathering all the courage she could muster to finally tell him about her illness and what it would take. Among all the people in her life, she thought that Gil should be the one she should count on.

Yejin was still deep in her thought when she heard his voice and the gentle scrape of the chair. Surprised, she looked up and saw the object of her musings sitting down (sans the usual buzz in the cheek that he usually gives her but she quickly shrugged it off) and smiled at him. She could feel her heart pounding, anxious on how he would take the news. After some pleasantries about the weather and traffic, Yejin took out the envelope containing all the medical stuff that she was about to tell him.

"Listen Yejin..." Gil started. "I'm glad we met up because I have something to tell you."

"Hmmmm? " Yejin said automatically, too busy in her head to give his words much thought.

"I was there one month ago. You were in the hospital and I happened to have a meeting there with the board of directors. I was happy to see you and followed you as you went inside Dr. Lee's clinic. I'm sorry Yejin... I know Dr. Lee so after you stepped out, I spoke with him and he didn't disclose anything but I somehow saw your results when he wasn't looking."

It was at this time when Gil looked away as he uttered his final piece.

"I can't be with you." He paused for a while. "I mean, I don't want to be with someone who may die. I want to have a wife ... a full life with kids. And... I'm really sorry, it's just too much."

Yejin was dumbfounded, to stay the least. As if a rug was pulled out from under her. She was neither angry nor sad.

With nothing left to say, she just looked him in the eye and said, "Thank you for your honesty. Goodbye then."

Yejin stood up and never looked back.

_________________________________________

Whenever she had to think, Yejin found solace in walking by the River Han. So, this was how it feels to be dumped. She started to find humor in her predicament and what began as a chuckle quickly turned into uncontrollable laughing which then drifted into tears. She was aware that people were starting to look funny at her but she just couldn't stop herself from laughing and crying.  Such was her state when she heard the phone ring and was about to answer when she saw who was calling her.

Bin. Her nosy ex-husband would surely sense her mood and so she gathered herself and let her phone ring for a while.

"Yoboseyo Bin?" She answered clearing her throat as she felt a knot starting to form.

"Yejin, I'm near the university now and thought you might want to grab something to eat? My treat. I realized we haven't been in touch much for the past two months.."

She noticed her heartbeat normalizing. There really was something in Bin's soft deep voice and presence that always calmed her down.

"I'm sorry Bin, I'm actually on leave this semester. Didn't I tell you?"

"Oh! No teaching? That's a surprise. See, we really haven't caught up in a while. The kids didn't mention anything. "

" Oh, it's because I haven't told them yet." Yejin realized how that may alarm Bin knowing that she always involved the kids in everything. She hated being right as she did catch Bin's pause. Something he did when the wheels in his mind were at work. "No biggie Bin, just thought I'd explore this yoga career and see if it's worth investing on my own studio .. I've told you that, didn't I?"

"I see. I was really looking forward to see you. Are you somewhere near? I have the rest of the day off, maybe I can still catch you and don't tell me you don't have time!"

"Maybe some other time. Ahhhhhhhhh........I'm on my way to the studio to fill in some schedule." Lying was really not her strong suit, she thought. And as she ended the call, she realized that if she wanted to keep this from the kids, she has to keep it from Bin as well. She was not his responsibility anymore and he had someone else in his life anyway. She needed to get better at lying.