The Diary of a Romantically and Gender Confused Asexual

28 February, 2015 / 36 Months 20 Days Until I'm Eighteen

I had the best time this morning. I woke up at six and started crying because I didn't want to go to school, then I realized that it was Saturday and that I didn't have to. Then I slept until ten when my dad woke me up and told me I didn't have to do to my sister's volleyball game! So I've been laying around all day doing basically nothing. I've also recorded a thingy for a YouTube video, a cover to an oldish Secondhand Serenade song. I doubt I'll actually do anything with it but it's good practice.

I also had a movie day today... kinda, I only watched two. I watched Breaking Dawn Part Two and then The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It's funny, when I watched it three(?) years ago I didn't understand a whole lot of it, but now it's almost like I am Charlie. I mean, my life isn't nearly as shitty; I don't have friends, my aunt didn't abuse me, my aunt didn't die, and I don't have an older brother. I can relate to Charlie though. I'm a writer, I love reading, my mom died when I was seven (the same age Charlie was when his aunt died), I've cut myself, I've been depressed, I've blamed myself for things I couldn't do, I've never felt like I have a place, I'm even the same age now as he is in the start of the movie. I feel bad that after all these years I haven't read the book. I'm definitely going to work on getting my hands on a copy of it (Update, I just filled my cart on AbeBooks with $45 worth of like $3 books and The Perks of Being a Wallflower is apart of them. It's kinda funny because I think most of the books in there were about people committing suicide... oops. I was just looking at the "other's bought blah blah blah" part on Amazon and then finding them on AbeBooks.)

I watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower commentary with literally like half of the cast and the writer/director/whatever and it's so good. I was literally crying when it was over just because of how inspirational everyone was. I was so inspired I went through every book I'm writing and deleted every one that I didn't feel needed (except for one because it's already published and popular). I'm going to concentrate really hard on the ones I'm doing now, and do various sections of research and really just focus. My goal is by next year to have at least half of a book written.

Oh oops I forgot to wrap this up and publish it and now I'm like five minutes into Sunday but um yeah I'm literally crying the books I ordered are expected to come on my birthday so I basically just bought myself the greatest birthday present ever. But anyway I'm going to bed have a nice life to whoever's reading this and um yeah see you tomorrow.