Somebody To You (Mikasa x Female Reader)

Lose Yourself

Words were not enough to describe what went on in your head after all the things you had been through since the day the last bit of joy was presented to you in that blessed afternoon, the same one in which everything you knew as your own home was destroyed by those gigantic beasts. The screams of pain and despair still echoed in your memories, the metallic smell of blood permeated your mind to the point that you almost always felt it, especially when you were alone. It was on that day that you lost half of your sword, leaving only the hilt that has remained in your possession until today, three years since the final decision was made by you.

Being part of the military, right after witnessing the atrocities brought on by those damn disturbing smiles. The titans' gaze on people in total panic, crushing the hope of a promising future by tearing heads off with fatal bites, destroying everything around them with their bodies, ending the possibility of a normal life. You didn't even know how you managed to be one of the people to escape in time by the  boats in Shiganshina, by the way seen only as ruins of what it used to be, dominated by the constant silence of death and emptiness.

You have carried horrendous emotional scars since you saw everything happen, never having been exposed to the chaotic scenery of the titans in your life, even when you were younger and still wandered outside the walls. To witness that was a reality shock for you, it was when you realized that you were nothing, that your ambition in the art of sword and your dream of being at the top of humanity was nothing more than a mere illusion, a farce in the face of the unjust power of profane creatures.

There was no longer that hopeful, enthusiastic and proud child of yesteryear. No, now you accepted the harsh truth of this world, that positivity was nothing more than a mask of weakness and stupidity. Your mind was shaped according to the needs, maturing as you followed the realistic side of the circumstances, seeing a cruel and realistic ending, no longer seeking to train your skills to be the best, but to kill whenever the opportunity was given.

There has never been so much social distance between you and the rest of people as now, having signed up to be part of Training Corps after so long preparing yourself psychologically and physically to be able to complete your duties under military supervision, by the way being between the set of recruits without the need to receive passing screams and humiliations on your face. Instead, you just looked at nothing, maintaining your disciplined position while reflecting on countless issues in your own life, taking advantage of the fact that no one paid any attention to you.

You haven't seen yourself in that kind of situation for a long time, where you could focus on your past, when you always focused on the future. Now, even that didn't matter. Only the present was fundamental to you, even with fragments from three years ago still bringing you specific scenes back, as was the case with the only girl you had ever spoken to.

Mikasa Ackerman, that was her name.

You swore that you would never forget it, as she was the person who had given you even a hint of hope about your illogical and absurd dream, now forgotten in your subconscious. You always wondered if she had survived, you even cared more about the possibility that she escaped than you did. Your empathy for the girl was remarkable even today, even after you had drastically changed your way of being and stopped believing in most of the things you had said to her, she was still an important person in your life. At least one feature of that time had not been lost over the years, you were still a prodigy in the art of sword, even though only half of your weapon was still, your techniques were still accurate.

Even though you were in no condition to follow your old dream, improving your swordsmanship skills was a task still well articulated in your plans, and you couldn't wait until you can wield a truly lethal blade that can do a lot of damage against titans . Anxiety took over you just by imagining yourself pouring the rotten blood of these disgusting creatures, but you weren't too excited to not end up creating false expectations. Yes, you were much more organized with your priorities.