A Sensitive Arrangement

Chapter 17

My second wake up call of the day was not nearly as pleasant as the first. Reaching for my phone with a greater sense of urgency than usual,  I silenced the obnoxious alarm music.

No new messages.

I knew I shouldn't be disappointed, or even surprised. He said he'd text me when he landed. His flight had only taken off an hour ago. It would be at least another five or six hours before I'd hear anything from him. But part of me still wished he had texted before take off.

I tried not to think about the fact that he and his friends had almost certainly sprung for internet access on the plane. That he could actually send me a message anytime he wanted. He just didn't want to.

Or maybe he knew he shouldn't. This was him establishing boundaries. Trying not to confuse me even more than I had already been confused. I should have been grateful. Hadn't I already chastised him for blurring the lines too much? I didn't feel grateful though. I just felt empty.

After allowing myself a few minutes to pine over Julian, I threw the covers off of me and wandered into my ensuite bathroom. I only had about thirty minutes before I had to leave for Paws 'n' Claws. I took a quick shower, not letting myself stay in there long enough to think about anything other than thoroughly rinsing the shampoo from my hair. I threw my volunteer t-shirt on as well as an old pair of jeans that I wouldn't care about getting cat piss on. It wouldn't be the first time.

Making my way downstairs into the kitchen, I could tell that the distinct lack of spring in my step and smile on my face were betraying everything I was feeling. I just couldn't bring myself to pretend. Fortunately, they all had the good sense not to comment. Olivia busied herself on her phone while Max continued to read from his newspaper.

"There you are, you should grab something to eat before we go." Ella's smile was warm, maternal. I could tell she wanted to pull me into a loving embrace. But she didn't, she let me have my space because she knows me. Sometimes better than I know myself.

"I'm not hungry." I murmured, hoping she'd drop the subject.

"Alice, you're about to wrangle dogs and cats for six hours, you need to eat something." She replied, with a bit more authority.

"I can grab a sandwich on my break or something." I found myself arguing, even though I knew it would be far easier to just sit down and eat something.

"Alice. Your mother would never forgive me if I let you waste away. Eat something." Ella scolded sharply, making me acutely aware of just how serious she was. She almost never played the mother card. She knew it was highly effective, but also somewhat alienating.

Truthfully, she had been the only mother I had ever really known. Even before Dad died, she had stepped up and filled that role in my life. So when she reminded me that she wasn't my real mother, it kind of hurt. But she also knew that I had an endless amount of respect and hero worship for the woman who brought me into this world, the woman I had never been given a proper chance to love.

So I sat at the table and scooped some scrambled eggs and fruit onto a plate. I managed to stomach about half of what I took before giving up.

"We should go. I don't want to be late." I mumbled, hoping she wouldn't insist that I finish what was on my plate. I watched her disapproving glance at my half uneaten breakfast, and then her concerned inspection of my face, before I could see her resolve soften. She was choosing her battles, and this wasn't one of them.

"Alright. Does anyone need me to pick anything up while I'm out?" Ella asked Olivia and Max.

"Oh, are you going shopping? I'll come with." Olivia replied cheerfully.