A Sensitive Arrangement

Chapter 25

Everything felt tender as memories of last night flooded my head. After my tears had all been spent, Olivia ordered a car and then practically carried me from the house. I doubt anyone had even noticed. She was an expert at avoiding scenes. The only drama she was associated with was the kind she chose to make herself.

I regretted not saying goodbye to Ava. It's not like our little makeout session would have amounted to anything serious. She lives in Australia. But still, I felt like a jerk for just leaving her there. Maybe I could find her on social media. I could send her a message, explain the situation.

Except, I couldn't really explain the situation could I? What would I even say? Sorry, I was heartbroken over this guy that the rest of the world thinks is practically my brother, but he's not. He never has been.

I thought back to last night, and the way he talked to Olivia versus the way he talked to me. He had never treated the two of us even remotely similar. The affection I shared with Julian was in a whole different category to the affection he shared with his sister. Julian and I were unique, undefinable, unexplainable.

I groped around my nightstand for my phone, unable to lift my head off the pillow. Everything still hurt. Inside and out. When I pressed the screen to unlock it, the glare made my head ache a little, nothing unbearable, but certainly unpleasant. What was on the screen, however, made my heart hurt with an intensity I had started to become all too familiar with.

It was a picture message from Luke. He had that trademark adorable smile on his face. There were fireworks in the background.

Happy New Year, wish you were here. Was all his message said.

I wish I had been there too. Not getting intoxicated and making out with a girl I'd never see again. Not drunkenly spilling my guts out to Mr. Stupidly Perfect in an unfamiliar bathroom.

Then, almost as if Julian could sense I was awake from halfway across the world, my phone began to ring in my hand.

I considered pressing the red button instead of the green. I considered delaying the inevitable. But ignoring Julian was apparently something I was entirely incapable of.

"Hello." I answered tentatively, putting him on speaker so I didn't have to hold the phone to my ear. He turned his camera on almost immediately.

"Can I see you?" He asked, an urgency in his voice, not even bothering with a greeting.

"I don't think you want to." I grumbled.

"I always want to." He encouraged me. The tender look in his eyes told me he meant it. I begrudgingly turned my camera on.

"This is me hungover." There was a sarcastic performative tone tinting my voice.

"You're beautiful. You know that right?" He smiled. But his compliment didn't make my heart soar the way it normally would. If anything, it just made me feel worse.

"Not helping." I glared.

"I know. I'm sorry. I umm, I got my phone back. I listened to your message. And saw my twitter feed." He admitted, remorse filling his eyes. I hated this. He looked like a lost puppy. Like every ounce of confidence and self assurance had been drained from his body.

"Oh goody." I grumbled, rolling my eyes.

"First of all, nothing happened." He tried to assure me. I didn't feel assured.

"If those pictures are your definition of nothing, I'd really hate to see what something looks like." I guess he hadn't really been the one initiating anything in the photos. But he definitely wasn't doing anything to discourage it either.