A Sensitive Arrangement

Chapter 6

By the time we got back to the house, Olivia had passed out in the back seat. Unable to properly wake her for longer than a few seconds, Julian carried her to her bed.

"Get some sleep. We'll talk in the morning." His tone had an edge to it, but he was trying not to let it show. There was a tenderness masking his dissipating anger. He didn't give Olivia a chance to argue. Turning away from her, he gently took my hand and led me to his bedroom. The second we stepped in, I inhaled, taking in the deep scent of comfort and safety.

"Can you tell me what he did to you?" Julian asked, giving my hand an encouraging squeeze.

"He just kissed me." I shrugged, embarrassed. When I put it that way, it seemed like I was overreacting. Why was I this upset about a kiss?

"It seems like he did a fair bit more than that." Julian looked torn, like he didn't want to push too hard, but he was not going to let this go until I told him why I was so upset. "Do me a favour? Give me the full play by play?"

"I don't think you want to hear it." I murmured, making myself small.

"You're probably right, but that's not important right now. If you don't tell me, I can't help you. And I would really like to help." His eyes were pleading with me. I hoped he would still feel the same way after I explained.

"When he tried, I turned away at first. I told him that's not why I had come. But then he told me he really wanted to kiss me. And I don't know why, but I let him. I didn't want to, but I did." I confessed, anticipating his frustration, or worse, disappointment.

"What do you mean you let him?" There was no anger in his voice, it was just a genuine question.

"I gave him a nod." I explained, feeling the guilt overwhelm me.

"And this was after you had already told him you weren't interested?" Why was he asking about the order of things? Did that really matter? I had nodded. I had basically told him it was okay. And then I freaked out when it wasn't.

"Yeah." I answered, my voice still weak. I wish I could have been as strong and confident as Olivia. Maybe then we wouldn't be in this mess.

"When did you text me?" He asked, still concerned with the order of events apparently.

"After he kissed me the first time, I got upset, I was crying a bit so I went to the bathroom. That's when I texted you. But then I realised I was overreacting, so I stopped." Could I have made a bigger fool of myself?

"I'm sorry, the first time?" The edge in his voice had returned. His anger was mounting again. Not only had I failed my first date miserably, I had made Julian mad at me. And I don't think Julian had ever really been mad at me before.

"When I went back, he kissed me again. I guess I hadn't made it as clear as I thought. It was stupid. I'm sorry I dragged you into all this." I pleaded, hoping he would forgive me.

"Ali, are you really blaming yourself for this?" He seemed genuinely surprised. Who else was I going to blame?

"I shouldn't have let him kiss me." I had made a mess of things.

"Shouldn't have what? Let me just recap everything you've told me. He tried to kiss you. You said no. He manipulated you into it anyway. You cried. And then he did it again. At what point does any of this become your fault?" His tenderness had vanished, replaced with a blunt coldness.

"I shouldn't have even gone there in the first place." I admitted, trying to hold back tears.

"Okay, that we agree on." He sighed, softening again. He reached out and cupped my face with his hand. "But just because you made a stupid decision, doesn't make any of this your fault. If someone does something to you, and you've told them not to, they're the one to blame. No caveats, no ifs, ands, or buts. This was entirely on him." He told me. And for some reason that's all it took to push me over the edge. All the tears I had been fighting back suddenly burst through the dam.