IT'S OKAY

CHAPTER 15

She wouldn't die, Alex. No, she wouldn't. Calm down, she wouldn't die, she wouldn't...

I jerked up from my bed, panting heavily

"Shibal" damn it I muttered, as I ranked my hand through my hair

I've always wanted to believe that I'll get over this, so I kept hoping, praying that I'm over it. But every time I think I have, the nightmares, or should I say memories, come back, mocking me. Still, I keep on telling myself not to give up; there's no barnacle way that I'm letting something taunt me for the rest of my life

I get up from my bed, staying there in one spot might drag me back to the horrid dark I've been trying to avoid. I looked at my bed side clock. Red angry light stared back at me, as if informing me that it was only four and I needed to get more sleep. But I knew I couldn't, so I just ahead to prepare for school

It was still early for me to eat breakfast at five, so I skipped it. I stepped out, but stopped in front of my car. I didn't know what to do, or where to go, and there was no way I was going to call Ji Sung, probably waking him up from his sleep. I was thinking of what to do, when my mind went to something I usually did. Going for a drive. I smiled as I assessed the weather, it was perfect for a morning drive, and that was what I did

I buckled in and rolled down my window, enjoying the rush of wind pleasantly attacking my face. As I kept on driving, the heavy feeling that I was feeling began to dissolve. Unfortunately, I couldn't go on forever, I still had to go to school. I groaned as I changed my carefree route to that of my school. I looked at the time after packing my car, 7:45

I didn't want to go to the rooftop this time, so I went to Ji Sung's refuge. On my way, I began thinking

Refuge. A shelter from danger or distress. A protection. Why did he call it his refuge? Is he distressed? By what?

Worried questions began to float through my mind

I looked around the room when I entered. It was big, over twice the size of our classrooms. Which made me wonder why it was left alone. If it was Sung's refuge, that means he had been using it for a while, which means the room has been abandoned for a while now

It looked like a dance studio turned storage room, except that there was no big window, and there was still a lot of space. I went back to where I stayed the first time I came here. I brought my knees up to my chest, placed my head on them using my hands as pillow, and closed my eyes, letting sleep drift me into its bosom

I slowly drift back into consciousness as vibrations rumbled beneath my cheek. I grumbled as I opened my eyes, finding my bearings. It wasn't until I was completely aware of my surroundings that I realized my head was on someone's shoulders. I jerked up, and saw Ji Sung beside me, casually watching something on his phone

"You're awake. Hi" he said, his eyes still not leaving his phone

"Hi" I replied, smoothing my hair 

"What are you doing here?" I asked him

"This is my place, remember? I'm supposed to ask you that question" he answered

"Oh" I said silently, leaning against the wooden furniture behind us

"What's the time?" 

I was too lazy to bring my phone out from my pocket

"Around 11?" 

My eyes widened

"What?!"

"11:32 to be exact"

"How could you just sit still as time was passing?" I asked, standing

"You were sleeping on my shoulders. I came here to kill time before school started, then your head suddenly came on my shoulders. There was nothing I could do" he shrugged

I turned back to him

"How is there nothing you could do? You could have woken me up?! Or..."

"You seemed tired"

"What?" I asked

"You looked worn out. As if you didn't sleep at all, so I just wanted you to rest"

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out

"Even though..." I whispered

He smiled and got up

"Should just skip the rest of school?" he offered

That offered is tempting

"Should we?... No, we can't"

Disappointment shown in his eyes, bright as the day

"Too bad, then"

"Thank you, and sorry" I told him

"For what?"

"If you know, you know" I said

He chuckled

Just as we were about to pass through the double doors, he suddenly doubled over, holding onto the door jamb

"Wae?" I asked him

He didn't say anything, his breathing became ragged

"Ya. Neo gwaechana?" hey. are you okay? I asked, now worried

No answer

"Ji Sung" I called, shaking him lightly

He looked up and me, a pained smile on his face

"I'm fine" he answer

He face said completely the opposite

"How are you fine? Get up. Let's go to the hospital. Or the nurse room, at least" 

I tried to raise him up straight, but he held my hand

"Nan gwaechana. Jinjja. You should go ahead to class" I'm fine. really

"Dagchyeo" shut up I told him

I removed my hand from his and held his hand

He removed his from mine, and look at me with pleading eyes

"Don't look at me like that. Let's go to the hospital"

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed them back along with his eyes, as if a wave of pain flooded him

"Chebal" please he pleaded, his voice was strained

I wanted to be persistent, but he was in too much pain for me to do that, so I gently released his hand

"Go to class" he said with a smile, slowing leaving the room, while using the walls, or anything else he could touch for support

"Ya" I muttered

I raked my hand through my hair

"What was that?" I asked myself

This was the second time this is happening, it first of all happened in front of the cafeteria

I signed as I went back to class. My worry parted away temporarily when I was in front of my class

What am I going to say? I thought but I entered anyways, from the back of course. As expected, all eyes were on me the moment I entered. I smiled sheepishly at my teacher

"Joe-song-a-ha-mni-da" I'm sorry I apologized with a bow

"Just go and sit" she said

"Ne, Ssaem. Kamsahamnida" yes, teacher. thank you I said and hurried to my seat

I gave a small smile to Tae Woong. He returned it

"Ji Sung isn't here" he said

I looked at his empty seat, and the worry came back, full force

There was nothing I could do anyway, so I just signed and followed what the class was doing