IT'S OKAY

CHAPTER 21

I looked around for what I could paint, but there was nothing that caught my eyes. So, I decided to go with imaginary painting. I, first of all, drew what I wanted to paint, I didn't realize how much I missed painting until I started. Grateful, I smiled over at Ji Sung, he wanted to give himself the element of surprise, so he went behind the canvas. A soon as I made the first stroke, I became lost in my own world until the last stroke

With a satisfied smile, I placed the paint brush down on the easel

"Kkeutnan sseo?" are you done? Ji Sung asked

I nodded

"Yes, kkeutnan sseo" are you done? I said, my smile still intact

He walked over

"How is it?" I asked

"Wow" was all he said

"Do you like it?" I asked

"Very much" he said

He looked down at me and smiled

"Well done" he said, stroking the back of my head

I smiled back at him, then stood up

I removed the canvas from the easel, and handed it over to him

"Huh?" he asked

"Seonmul" a gift I said

"Seonmul?" a gift? he asked, taking it

"Kind of like a thank you gift" I said

"Why are you telling me thank you?" he asked

I went towards him, walking along side him

"I forgot, but you made me remember"

"You forgot how to paint? Doesn't look like that to me"

I laughed

"Not how to paint, silly. How it feels to paint" I corrected

"You see, I stopped painting a long time ago. And when I occasionally do, now, it's mostly to forget. But, you made me remember how it feels to really paint. To just paint, and enjoy painting without using it to escape"

"You owe me one then" he said, as we sat on the bench

I smiled

"Wae?" why? he asked after silence

"Huh?"

"Why did you stop painting? What did you want to escape from?" he asked

"Things weren't just going well for me, you know. Kind of like family issues" I said

"By the way, what are you going to do with the painting?" I was quick to change the subject

"Sell it?" I teased

"Far from it. I'm going to hang it on the largest wall in my living room" he said

Once again, he understood and changed the subject

I laughed

"Aren't your parents gonna talk?"

The way the air immediately changed told me I asked the wrong question. But it was already late

"Well, they would have to be around to talk, wouldn't they?

I told myself to be cautious

"Are you parents...?" I trailed off

"Dead? No, they aren't, but there's practically no difference"

"What's happened?" I asked, knowing fully well I was the last person with the right to ask that question

"Let's just say its your typical busy parents. They are never around and there for you, even when you don't need them"

He laughed bitterly

"I can't even remember the last time we were together as a family. Kang Ja Ahjumma is the one who has been taking care of me till now. She's like my mom, although she'd actually my aunt, form the mother side" he said

He then smiled at me, as if what just happened never happened

"So, I'm good" he said

I would have thought he had been just joking, but his eyes held the same emotions they held five seconds ago

I smiled back at him

"You turned out well" I said

I was the one stroking his head this time

I dropped both my hand and smile, then he smiled back

I clasped my hands together as I faced front

"I doubt you noticed this when you came over this morning, but my mom's a single mother. She divorced my dad ten years ago when I was eight, and although I'm glad she did, I wished, still wish, she had done it earlier. My dad, or should I say sperm donor, was garbage. Wanjeon ingan sseulegi" complete human trash

I smiled bitterly

"I loathed him, and I still do. I even remember wishing him dead several times, but he didn't. And I'm sure he's still alive, somewhere"

I paused, looking for where to continued, but I didn't find

I turned back to Ji Sung

"I don't even know where to begin, and honestly, I don't think I can begin, Nan..." I...

I looked at the sky, trying to keep the tears that were threatening at bay

"I went through a terrible childhood, Ji Sung, and I still suffer from it. My mom think it's all in the past and that we're good now, but she's wrong; it's not in the past for me. It was traumatic for me, and I hate it. I hate the fact that I still repeat the past"

My breathe was shaking and I was losing the fight against my tears

"I hate the fact the he's doing this to me. I hate the fact that I'm going through this because of him. I hate loathe the fact that he's significant enough to affect my dreams. I... I..." I was cut off

Ji Sung pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around me

"Gwaenchanh-a. Gwaenchanh-a" it's okay. it's okay he kept saying over and over again

I managed to calm down, but I didn't attempt to pull out, and he didn't seem like he was letting me go anytime soon

"I'm so glad I'm didn't wear make-up" I said

He laughed, and I felt it

We pulled away, and I immediately lowered my gaze. He tried to catch my gaze, but I averted it each time

He laughed, and sat straight, before ruffling my hair

"Ya!" hey! I called out

"You finally looked" he said, with a smile

"I serious don't like you" I told him trying to straighten my hair

"And I believe you hundred percent" he teased

He looked at his watch

"We have some time before the movie. Should we go for a drive?" he asked

I smiled

"We seem to have more things in common than we think" I said as I stood up

"Is that so?" he asked

He also stood up and we headed back to where the car was packed