so uh
hey guys : )
how ya dooooinn...?
last time i posted things weren't really looking up, huh
anyway ever since then I've been actively ignoring every form of social media i had, isn't that fun?
but uh, yeah, that happened, and I was kind of not okay, but now it's getting better but also potentially worse.....????? brain can't make up its mind — am i ok or not ok??? I don't know :D
yesterday i DID sob over a fic for a good 15 minutes because i was projecting onto the character and proceeded to cry to the song freaks because the word "home" was mentioned but like ok that should be a normal reaction right? right
it's also svt's 6th anniversary and lowkey if they don't sign to PLEDIS again things are gonna get a little ~funky~ and oh boy : )
but lately I've been thinking; what am i doing here??
I loved wattpad because it gave me a voice, a community to be with, and friends to talk to with the same interests as i, but can i say it's the same now?
discord was a safe haven to me for a while too, until it wasn't, until i started getting too anxious about what other people thought of me, until i started thinking i needed to suppress my opinions to fit in, that i was wrong if i disagreed with others. and i realised even wattpad was the same, ever since roleplaying became such a... clique thing
i love stories. i love writing. i love speaking about characters. i will never let these things go. but is this community really my home? do i have a place here anymore?
I've become so isolated from a majority of the community, so out of touch from the people I called friends, and I wonder; is my time here over?
i love you guys. i think barely anyone reads my spam book anymore lmao, but i don't want to let go of what i have, what i had — I've always had a hard time letting go, and i think these past few weeks, it showed ( of course, no one will know what I'm talking about <3 :> )
but yeah. i really don't know anymore. how was your day?
