Exploring with you

Chapter 17: Hesitant to be with you

Colby's POV

Today, we are going back to abandoned hospital at night like we promised. I won't lie that I'm hesitant to go because of the kiss. I can't let that happen again, it would just make everything worse. Things are bad enough right now. I'm losing my best friend and the man I love. The only thing I can think of is to not going alone, not just the two of us. And now he knows about me cutting. I decide to go talk to him. I head to his room and knock on the door.

"Come in," he shouts from inside.

"Hey Sam. Can we talk?" I ask.

"Sure. What's up?"

"I think we should go to the hospital with other people. It will be safer," I say.

"You sure that's the only reason?" He asks.

Damn it, why is he so perceptive?  "Yeah, of course," I respond.

"Okay then," he says, turning back to his work.

I head back to my room and sit down on my bed. I sit there alone with my thoughts until Sam knocks on my door to tell me he is ready. We pack up the car and leave to get Aryia and Kevin. We arrive and they get in the car. We bring them to the outskirts of the neighborhood where we film our intro and tell them about the plan for getting in. After a lot of running and hiding, we make it to the hospital and start exploring.

Sam's POV

We get inside the hospital and explore for a bit without incident. Then the noises start again. Why does this happen to us so often? Someone must be inside here with us. Colby's walking next to me and I see his hand hanging by his side, next to mine. I feel an overwhelming urge to hold his hand, knowing it will give me some comfort. I decide to go for it and if he pulls away, I can just brush it off as an accident. I reach for his hand and to my surprise, he doesn't pull away. I lace our fingers together and he gives me a small squeeze.

"Are you okay Sam?" he whispers to me.

"This place scares me," I whisper back.

"We'll be okay. I'm here for you," he whispers.

I breath a sigh of relief, taking comfort in the fact that despite everything, he still cares for me. We hold hands for the reminder of the video. The noises continue and get louder. We decide to call it a night and run back to the car. We finally arrive at Colby's car and the others climb in. I release Colby's hand and start to get in when he stops me.

"Are you okay?"

I look at him, concern filling those blue eyes I love so much. "Yes, thank you."

We get in the car and one of his hand's rests on the console between us as he drives. Does he want to hold my hand again? Or is he just keeping it there in case I need it? I'm so consumed by my thoughts that I don't notice the others getting out of the car and saying goodbye or Colby's eyes flickering to me. He turns off the car suddenly and I start, releasing that we've made it home. Colby gets out of the car and walks over to my side to open the door for me. He offers his hand and I take it hesitantly. He grasps my hand in his and leads me into the house. The roommates are all sleeping since it's the middle of the night. Colby leads me up to his room and sits down on the bed. I sit next to him in a daze.

"Sam's what's going on?"

"I-I don't know what you mean," I stutter out.

"Come on Sam. You were silent the whole way home. It's like you were in a different place," he says.

"Just tired I guess," I say.

He squeezes my hand and says, "Sam, I know you. That's not the reason."

"Why did you kiss me? Then ignore me afterwards. Then tonight, you held my hand and comforted me," I say.

He freezes and I see the worry in his eyes. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't this.

"Sam I- I'm sorry," he says, turning away from me.

"Please-e, don't shut me out again. I-I need you, I-I can't do this without you," I say, angrily brushing my tears away. I hate that I'm crying right now, I need to be stronger than this.

"Sammy," he says.

"Damn it," I whisper as the dam bursts and the tears fall freely.

He pulls me into his arms, rubbing my back until my sobs subside.

"I'm sorry Sam. I was so worried that I would lose you," I say, hanging my head.

He lifts my chin to meet his eyes and says, "Colbs, never. You will never lose me. I will always be here."