Leave it Unread

Chapter 17

When I collect myself, I open the bathroom door and take a deep breath before I walk back to the table. I still feel Ben's fingers lingering on my cheeks, the swipe of his thumb under my eye replaying in flashbacks in my head. It was the perfect moment to reveal it all, to stop the nonsense of Kathleen's motives, to stop it all. 

But there's no way this is more than infatuation. There is no way that Ben is any different than Adam or any first-year frat boy roams campus. 

This is just a game. It's all a game.

Before I give into the bubbling panic unraveling in my chest again, I replay Ben's words in my ear, the way he told me to hold onto him as he promised to hold onto me.

Is it just infatuation?

Then why is he with Kathleen? What's his plan? I don't understand...

I realize that I've made it back to our table where Kathleen and Adam are chatting away, Ben nodding along to whatever is being said. Our food had arrived and as I sit back down in my chair, Adam reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. I don't bother looking up at Ben or Kathleen or even Adam as I let go of his hand and reach for my fork.

"You alright, Noey?" Kathleen asks and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. I know what she's doing--she's staking her claim by belittling me. 

I hear Ben take in a deep breath as he reaches for his fork as well, scarfing down a bite before wiping his mouth with his napkin. "You okay, Noelle?"

I look up and see genuine sincerity as I give him a nod, turning over to face Kathleen. "Is this date number two for you and Ben? Right?" I look at Ben and there's an amusing flash in his eyes as he takes another bite, facing Kathleen again.

"It sure is." She says proudly, reaching for his hand as she stares at him longingly. "But this one is a closed book, he isn't giving me much." She pouts like a child as Ben's eyes widen.

"Oh, uh," he hesitates as he takes another bite and I feel Adam's chuckle radiating through him as his arm comes closer to mine. "There's really not much to me, Adam can back me up on that."

"Yeah, sure, man. The whole state's riding off your talent. Do you know this guy was all coach talked about and he was only, what, a freshman in high school? The boy's a catch." The way Adam says it makes Ben smile, and I smile at the genuine hype that Adam gives him.

"He sure is, but I want to know more about him." She looks at me directly when she says this and I take a bite of my food, wanting to throw the fork right at their joined hands. 

"You're right, I've been a little closed off. It's hard for me to reveal much, but we can do that on our own time. It's Adam and Noelle's date." There's a bit of bite in his tone and I replay the words in my head, figuring out what's behind his snap. Is it that I'm with Adam or that Kathleen's pressing too much...

"That y'all crashed." Adam says jokingly and Kathleen laughs at this, removing her hand from Ben's which, I swear, he sighs in relief at. 

"Noelle, tell me about you." Adam says, turning as he gulps down his water.

"Me?" I squeak and realize that my voice is still off from the sob session from only a few minutes ago. He nods suspiciously at this as I look briefly at Ben. He's invested by the way he leans forward, his eyes fixated on me as Kathleen fixates on him.

"I'm from California. My dad's a-"

"No, no, not that stuff. What makes you tick?" 

I cough as the bite of shrimp threatens to have me choke. What makes me tick?