Leave it Unread

Chapter 8

I stare at the winky face at the end of Ben's message, the constant neon lights in my head dimming to reveal dark gray clouds. It was stupid of me to think that Ben, in the midst of our first few days as freshmen in college, would reveal to me that he was talking to girls on Tinder. What's sillier is to think that in the midst of him talking to girl(s) on Tinder, he'd find me as the centerfold.

"Ah, this is going to be perfect! I can just see it now, Noey! A June wedding with mama and papa flying us out to Costa Rica!" Kathleen's beaming, getting up to grab her towel. My eyes go wide at the thought of responding alone, I mean, I've always been on the sidelines. I'm the one telling Kathleen what to say, no not actually the one holding her love life in my hands--literally.

"I'm just going to go shower really quickly, okay? Have fun! But not too much fun." The smile on her face vanishes to showcase seriousness as she hops the door.

God, what do I say? This is Ben--my peer-review partner. My (friend?). Someone I actually connect with on a deeper level. Someone who...

Ben Jacobs:

So, tell me all about yourself :)

His texts feel absolute, the kindness he exhibits in person making itself apparent in a dumb bubble on a screen. If I'd never met Ben before, I'd think of this as a classic story of Kathleen's conquest to find "the one." But this feels different--this feels like I know everything and nothing all at once.

I stare at the next text and lean against the bed frame. For once, my hands are weak, the feeling of typing feeling foreign as I think of the perfect response.

Kathleen Jones:

Well, I'm a freshman and I'm majoring in Business :) You? Please don't tell me you're a serial murderer.

I put my phone in my lap and close my eyes. Well, Noelle, his name is Ben Jacobs, he's from Des Moines, he's a poet, and he really, really thrives on caffeine.

Ben Jacobs:

First off, I like to think of myself as an amateur murderer. I'm a freshman :) Major is... something spicy. You'll have to let me take you to dinner to find out! 

Yup, I can't do this. No way. No way can I do this. This constitutes a broken law in some friendship code, right? Or I am pressing on some territory that is rooted in some explosive that will reveal me as the bad guy in the end, not Kathleen.

I can't do this. I won't.

I look down at Ben's message and picture him and Kathleen at dinner. Knowing what I know about Ben, he'd take her to a nice restaurant, dressed in a button-up and probably nice jeans. Kathleen would wear her red pumps with her black jeans and black turtleneck (the outfit of champions, she calls it). They'd hold hands across the table and Kathleen would come home buzzed on a new love.

It's bound to break before it begins. Right?

Just do this for a couple of days and then they'll meet up and you'll be out of the woods, Noelle. You got this.

I consider the outcomes of the mess that is B&K so far:

1. Whenever Kathleen finds out I know Ben or Ben finds out I know Kathleen, I'll technically only be partially a liar. I did mention Kathleen to Ben, but he was clueless. Or oblivious. Kathleen, I argue, will have to forgive me for keeping the me-knowing-Ben-situation to a minimum, due to the fact that I'm literally doing this major, unconventional thing for her.

2. Ben takes Kathleen out, he notices that she isn't the same in person, and it'll be like the Tinder match never happened. They'll stop talking to one another and Ben will be... Ben.