Regarding the Darkness

The Tower (prologue)

My mom almost never told me stories from her childhood, but one day, I got especially persistent.

"Mom, seriously," I prodded. "How are all of your stories so depressing that you couldn't tell me just one ?"

I was 14 or 15 at the time. We were on a drive down to Denver, which was about an hour away from where I lived, and I had been nagging her for at least 15 minutes. But as it turned out, my nagging worked, and she sighed as she turned down the music.

"You really want to hear a story ? Fine. I'll tell you a story from when I was pregnant with you."

I sat back in my seat, both pleased with myself for finally prevailing against my mother and eager to hear what my mom had to say.

"I was not very pregnant, probably only 3 or 4 months max. Your father had convinced me to tag along with him to the state fair, so I pulled on my shorts which were definitely too tight and got in the car.

"A little while into our time at the fair, your dad had to use the bathroom. I took this opportunity as a moment to sit and rest  my feet, because fun fact, pregnancy is way more exhausting than you think, even at the beginning. So I took my rest on a bench across from the bathrooms and stretched my back.

"While I waited, a woman in a booth near me caught my attention. She waved me over, so I approached her and she beamed.

"Tarot reading, ma'am ?" she had asked, to which I politely declined. I had never practiced things like that, and I was a devout Christian, as I always have been. It was almost burned into my mind that magical practices such as the tarot fell against my beliefs. I can't say it didn't interest me, though, and I was always somewhat fascinated by the practice. So even though I declined her offer at first, it didn't take her long to persuade me to participate anyway.

"I headed into the booth and sat down, completely unsure of what I should be expecting. The woman sat across from me and took my hands in hers.

"I feel strong energy from you, miss. Whether it's negative or positive, I'm not sure," she had said as she observed the lines in my palm. She pulled a tarot reading for me, though I'm not sure what it was. I can't even remember, because what happened next shook me to my core.

"As I was about to leave, she offered to do a tarot reading for my baby- for you. I reluctantly agreed, and she pulled one card for you. She looked at it before I did, and the expression on her face fell. When she finally placed the card on the table, I could read what it was. The tarot card she pulled for you was the tower.

"According to the tarot reader, the card that suggests the tower indicates a time of survival and aggression. According to her, your life was going to be filled with hardships and suffering, but that eventually there was going to be a light at the end of the tunnel, and once you reached the light, everything would be okay again."

Sitting in my seat, I froze. A time of survival and aggression. A life that is filled with hardships and suffering. That made complete sense. I could not remember a time when I wasn't basically fighting for my life. I had been living in hell for as long as I could remember.

My mother laughed and ruffled my hair with one hand. "It's a good thing tarot readings are bullshit, right ? Otherwise you would have had a hell of a time."

Yeah, mom. I guess. I sat silent.

I long for the day she finally believes me.