Willingly: Her Version

Chapter Sixteen

I was working at home, trying to squeeze out some creativity juices out of my brain. I need to come up with a concept for my collection of short stories. I bit my lip as I stroked Catto's furry body. Having a cat has its own benefits. It helps me through my frustrations. Maybe I should go out? Get some ideas under the sun. The bright rays could lift my spirits up and maybe I could think something brilliant.

I opened the browser and checked my social networking sites. After a few minutes of looking through updates, I noticed that Ella tagged me on a photo. I narrowed my eyes at it. I pursed my lips. How dare a woman put her arm on my man's shoulder? I clicked my tongue as I continued to stare. I glanced at my phone, contemplating whether I should ask Ella. What was her name again? Jeanette? The woman was Jeanette and she's a bit older than me, probably the same age as Kurt.

Ella told me what the photo was about, and she did mention that yes, Jeanette is kind of sticking close to Kurt. We're only one week away from getting married, she knew that. More importantly, Kurt knew that.

I was upset and a bit mad at him. I didn't greet him when he came home. I ignored him and he only watched me as I prepared the table for dinner. I'm still mad that I can't bring myself to look at him, or else, I'm going to explode. I'm trying to keep myself calm.

I did call him to say we can have dinner already, in a clipped tone. He sat down but he didn't reach for anything. I'm going to stress-eat tonight so I ate a lot as he watched. Even when I'm almost feeling full, he still hasn't touched his utensils.

"What's wrong?" He finally asked and I exhaled a huge breath. That relaxed me a little.

I looked at him and his demeanor hasn't changed. He doesn't look ruffled.

"Jeanette." I stated through gritted teeth. I'm sure he can tell from my tone that I'm angry.

"What about her?" He was still nonchalant about it.

"You're flirting with her." I stated.

He pursed his lips as he frowned at me.

"Who was flirting with who?"

I exhaled again. I knew what he's getting at.

"You clearly didn't do anything to dissuade her."

I was saddened when he didn't refute that and he looked a bit guilty. I was right. He didn't dissuade her. I waited for him to say anything. When it's clear he didn't intend to speak, I left him and went to our room. I picked up Catto on the way. I wanted a hug.

I sat on the bed, petting Catto and rubbing his fur. What is this situation? We're engaged. I love him. I have a right to feel jealous, right? I exhaled loudly again. Maybe Jeanette was more proactive than I was, for her to actually get physically close to Kurt. When Ella was doing it for my sake, I kept my distance from him. I didn't harass him.

Ugh. Granted that I don't know all the details, but he could've done something to prevent her from getting that close to him.

I was feigning sleep, facing away, when he got into the room. I could tell he paused by the doorway. That door creaks a lot. It took him a few minutes before he closed it and walked to the bed. I felt it dip, which let me know he's just behind me. I tried to make my posture relaxed so he wouldn't notice I'm still awake.

He's probably lying down and wasn't at all bothered by me and my feelings. I almost cried at the thought. After a few minutes I felt him move. He pressed his body next to mine and his arm wrapped on my waist. I felt him press a kiss on my head.

"I'm sorry." I heard him say and it warmed my heart. Is he admitting he's wrong? He should, right?

"I'll tell her not to get too close. In fact, I would avoid her for you. I thought ignoring her was enough."

I frowned while keeping my eyes closed. How does he know I'm still awake?

He pressed kisses on my nape and I can't help feeling tickled.

"Stop that." I couldn't stand it so I told him.

"Are you still mad?" He asked. I only huffed. I held onto his arm on my waist, though. I took a deep breath as I tried to settle in for the night. I'm not familiar with these feelings. I don't want him to get close to any other woman.

I was about to fall asleep, feeling his warmth around me, but I suddenly opened my eyes as a realization penetrated my mind. I shifted in my position so I was facing Kurt. He opened his eyes to look down at me. I only stared at his eyes as it run through my mind. He has never once told me he loves me, or what he actually feels about me. But every time I ask him, instead of answering, he would pull me into a passionate kiss. I've heard it before, but it wasn't something I could easily believe. Those moments I wasn't looking at him were the moments he was looking at me. Otherwise, how could he know those little details about me? The reason he wants me to resign from work isn't so he could freely flirt on his own, but because he can't stand seeing other men getting close to me, touching my arm or my shoulder albeit innocently. He must feel the same way I did when I saw that photo of Jeanette with her arm on his shoulder. Except of course, Jeanette's reason isn't innocent. I almost smirked as I stared at him.

"Do you love me?" I asked, testing my theory. As expected, he didn't answer, but he did lean closer to capture my mouth with his. He pulled me tighter against him and I gave in to it.