Willingly: Her Version

Chapter Twenty

Four months later, I was grinning at the stick I was holding. I was pregnant.

The last few months has been... it was emotional and dramatic at first, but we eventually came to terms with it. I kept track of my health and new lifestyle. Kurt has been supportive in everything I do. I try to contribute in my own little way.

How did I tell him again? The next morning, I slept in. It wasn't intentional. I was just sleeping more and more these days. He woke me up before he went to work. I wasn't able to prepare him a lunchbox, or breakfast for that matter.

"I'm sorry." I stated after I quickly washed up. I went to make his tie for him.

"It's okay. Did you wake up last night?" He probably thought I worked last night. A few times before, I wake up in the middle of the night to write something down. Some thoughts need to be written down as soon as you get them in your head. And my brain remains active while sleeping.

"No, I'm just pregnant. It makes me want to keep sleeping." I tried to deliver that line as normally as I could. I was hoping to sound just like him when he speaks nonchalantly. He stilled as I finished his tie. I patted it before stepping back. Just one step, so I can stare at his face. I'm holding in my smile.

"What did you say?" His surprised expression is cute. I let out the smile.

"I'm pregnant." I repeated, for his sake. He paused for five seconds before pulling me in for a hug and a kiss.

A few days later...

"You look worried." Kurt stated as he handed me a glass of milk. I am.

"It seems baby milk and diapers are costly. I haven't made any progress with my book yet." I stared at him as I voiced my concerns. He pecked me on the forehead before enveloping me in his embrace.

"Don't worry about that. Just focus on keeping yourself healthy. Are you craving any other fruits?" He reached out a hand under my shirt, touching my stomach, caressing it. I put a hand over it. I get this foreign feeling as I stare at Kurt, not sure what it is.

"I like watery ones. Melon, watermelon, apple, pear..."

"I'll get them for you tomorrow." He wasn't looking at me. He was staring at my tummy, and that made me chuckle.

"You're not going to start working overtime, are you?" I was a bit worried.

"No. Every time I have to go the office, I can't wait going back home." His words are sweet.

Since we learned about the pregnancy, I noticed changes in Kurt. He's much gentler, more attentive, more caring... I'm not sure if he still feels guilty about the previous miscarriage. It took me a while to convince him to be intimate with me. I'm the type of pregnant woman who craves sex, whereas others loathe it during this period. He's been very, very careful, though. He wouldn't go fast and hard. No matter how much I ask for it. Although I enjoyed the slow coupling, too. He's been creative, finding other ways to make me reach those heights.

My eyes widened as I realized another thing. Kurt raised an eyebrow when he saw my expression. I chuckled, which turned to full-on laughter. I had to be careful not to overdo it, though, or my sides will hurt. Kurt has been speaking more and more.

"What is it?" He asked and I grinned at him.

Should I say it? Or would it make him meek again?

"I'm liking you more and more." I pecked a kiss on his lips.

He raised that eyebrow again.

"You're not telling me?" He looked a bit annoyed, but I'm sure if this was before... he wouldn't bother saying anything.

I stared at him for two minutes before deciding I should say it. Maybe he knows it.

"You're talking more. I love it." I added that extra sentence to make sure he knows.

He was nonchalant about it, which means he does know what he's doing.

He leaned and brushed his lips against mine. It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. I was expecting more.

"I love you." He shocked me yet again, before he let me have a taste of his mouth. I would never have thought that he'll say it again. I guess he likes the idea of having a family of our own that he's willing to open up more and more.

"I love you." I've been saying that to him every day and I wouldn't get tired of saying it. His usual response is a searing kiss. I wonder if that will change a bit. I look forward to the day we see our baby, preferably in his arms. The image makes me feel warm.

Ours is not a perfect relationship. I wouldn't even call it ideal. The only thing that matters is how we make it work between us. I'll be honest. If Kurt is more irrational in his jealousy and possessiveness, I wouldn't have been able to stand it. I would have run away from him. At the rate he's going though, he's within my acceptable range. I do get jealous, too. That's normal. I do feel possessive of him, too. That's normal. He could be crude with his words, but I'm sure most people do, including myself. He's not your ideal man. This is not your ideal relationship. But I guess... when you like a guy, you try to understand them. You try to be accommodating. You try to accept him. If you can't do these things, it means the relationship is not bound for success. If you force yourself, you won't be happy. You'll be miserable at the choice you made. So, what am I saying? If it feels right, and it brings you happiness... it could be the kind of relationship for you. If it doesn't feel that way, if it makes you feel horrible and bad... I suggest you run away. It will not end well and you won't get your happily ever after. Don't compare yourself with others. We are all different. There may be similarities but the variations make it uniquely yours. What's important is how it makes you feel in the end... is it worth it?

*** The End ***