Under Our Care

Chapter 18

We drove for quite a bit in silence. I kept drumming my fingers on the dashboard in anticipation. I wasn't big on confrontations at all. I could see how Maverick found this annoying but chose not to comment on it. He knew if he started now, this drive would be a futile attempt at reconciliation.

"Whatever that old weasel said before I came was bullshit, you know that right?" Maverick broke the uncomfortable silence, his eyes were still on the road but I could tell he was nervous too.

"And whatever he said after you came was bullshit too," I said looking at him but frowned when I heard an unconvincing hum in the form of agreement.

"You don't believe him, do you?" I asked worriedly.  This is the worst self-accusation someone can put upon himself.

"I try not to." He muttered after a while, closing his hands on the steering wheel tighter. He looked like he was mulling over his answer and dare I say it felt like he was lying.

"What do you mean by that, Rick? You can't blame yourself for that night. I won't let you, never." I said, mumbling the last part. I wanted to shake him into reality. I wonder what made him believe all that he did and I wouldn't be surprised if it was Grandfather, he has a way to influence people to think a certain way. After all, he has had practice over the years.

"I don't want to talk about it, Aliyah. This shouldn't be your concern." He muttered, gazing at me softly before moving his eyes back to the road.

"This is my concern. I hope you know it wasn't your fault. It was nobody's fault. It was an unfortunate accident due to the storm, we can never blame you." I said, speaking each syllable clearly, I wanted my words ingrained in his brain.

"If maybe I hadn't called that day, I could have easily caught a ride with somebody but I had to call him." He said I did not miss his voice breaking at the end. Was it this he was carrying all along? I couldn't imagine how broken he might feel every day.

"I will repeat this as many times as you want but it was not your fault-" I was interrupted by Maverick who started indignantly, "Why don't you all resent me? You should hate me, I took them away from you."

I watched him, stricken with the amount of anguish in his voice. Suddenly, the alcohol, the cigarettes, the attitude, all started making more sense.

"Is that what you think? I feel like a failure at being your sister. Is that what it has always been about? And just for the record anything more bullshit than what Grandfather said is what you are saying," I said with disbelief resounding in my words.

"That night Mom and Dad made their choice to pick you up, they knew about the storm, they just wanted you safe. I don't know how else to make you believe this but in the words of Dumbledore, we make our own choices, they made their own. I don't want you to blame yourself." I said with certainty, I wanted him to believe me. He nodded but did not say anything for a long while.

I did not realise when the car came to a halt. I looked around and saw we were near the riverside. It was a five-minute walk to the actual riverside. We seldom took a drive here, it wasn't that far from our house but my brothers and I were too busy to take a stroll by the riverside.

I was surprised when I didn't hear anything as retaliation to my words. Maverick doesn't like someone telling him off, he always has something to say but today he looked lost. I waited for him to say something or do something but I was rewarded with silence.

He sighed as he unbuckled himself and with tired eyes told me to do so too. We stepped out of the car and I instantly felt the drop in temperature.

I rubbed my arms to save myself from the November wind. I forgot to get myself a coat while I was dragged out. Though I was not afraid of Chris's disapproval today, this was not entirely my fault.