Under Our Care

Chapter 20 - Part I

I rolled over my bed to find a comfortable position to fall asleep. It had been almost two hours since I was trying to sleep and was nowhere near the dark abyss instead I felt more awake than I felt before coming to bed. All sorts of thoughts were running through my head and the fact that I had only one day before my surgery helped.

In desperation to calm my anxious mind, I took the worst decision that possibly existed. I opened my phone and scrolled through the internet and before I could stop I typed, 'Possible dangers of a craniotomy.'

I sucked in a breath as I read through an article. It was terrifying, all sorts of complications were listed from paralysis to death. It was all there and I was going to dive straight into the dangerous waters day after tomorrow. I could feel my heart speeding up and felt the tears prickling in the corners of my eyes. Articles after articles I found no relief and when I could no longer stop the wails, I threw my phone across the bed and stuffed my face in the pillow. I tried for my sobs to be at a minimum to not wake my brothers but I knew I could not stay in bed alone after this.

I checked the time and realised it was still early for my brothers to fall asleep. I slowly crept to Chris's room. I knocked on his door and heard a soft come in. I pushed the door open and saw him working on his laptop, he smiled seeing me which quickly contoured into a frown seeing my tear-stricken face. He kept his laptop aside and beckoned me to himself. I scrambled up on his bed and quickly cuddled by his side.

He embraced me without any questions and rubbed my back knowing that it would calm me. I breathed in his familiar scent and willed myself to not cry. After a few minutes of silence, I felt myself calming down.

"Do you feel alright now?" Chris asked me softly.

I nodded my head, still tucked by his side.

"Can you look at me? I want to see for myself." He implored.

I lifted my head for him to see and he gave me a satisfied nod. I expected to see some pity on his face but to my relief, I saw none.

"What happened before, Aliyah?" He inquired.

"I just read some awful things about the surgery on the internet and it messed with my head," I muttered, mentally smacking myself for doing something so stupid and saying it made me feel dumber.

"Oh, little monkey! Why did you do that? We warned you against it so many times." He said shaking his head incredulously and addressing me with my childhood nickname given by him. He used to call me that when I was little and sometimes still addresses me with it. It made me feel all warm inside, it hit so close to home.

"I don't know, I knew it was stupid but I wasn't getting any sleep and felt restless," I answered honestly.

"Then you should have come to one of us, we would have helped you." He told me.

"I know," I mumbled defeatedly. If my rational side of mind had not gone on a holiday, I would have gone to them.

He sighed adjusting me in his arms so that I was lying my head on his shoulder. Chris's room always looked so pristine that I wondered if he even lived here. His room was a dull grey coloured room, with accents of white. It was warm yet modern and it suited him perfectly. He had a wall dedicated to the family just like mine and it was one thing in his room we weren't allowed to touch. We were too clumsy according to him.

"Do you want some ice cream? It always makes you feel better and I promise I won't mention this to Ezekiel." He said, his lips curved into a smile.

"No, I don't think I can stomach anything, it took me great efforts to eat the dinner," I told him.

"This makes me worried. This is far from normal, you always crave ice cream. Now tell me honestly about how you feel." He asked his head dipping down to look at me.