Dear Religion: Exploring my complicated relationship with faith and tradition.

Dear Religion

The relationship between us is a complicated one. A beautiful, and loving relationship, but also a turbulent, ever-changing one. You are like a tropical island with ever-changing weather. Sometimes you are full of gorgeous sunsets and warm days, but sometimes you're a cyclone, a storm of great destruction. You've brought so many things to our world; knowledge, love, joy, and pain. We have had our ups and downs together, and many highs and lows. I've seen the ways you've changed the world and how you've affected people. I've seen the artists you've inspired, the people you've touched, the glorious churches and temples you have built.

You are one of the most powerful and influential forces in this world, and I've always admired you. Even when I was a young child, I wished to understand you better. You've been my friend and my mentor for many years. Throughout my entire life, you have been a force of great influence and exceptional wonder. You are one of my greatest passions, and I will always desire to study you and your story.

However, despite my unyielding love for you, I cannot overlook the wounds and scars you've placed on this Earth. Though you've inspired acts of kindness, generosity, and compassion; you've also inspired much suffering, and even hatred. You were born from the human desire for knowledge and meaning, an inherently good thing, yet so much evil is done in your name. I've seen many of your followers feed and clothe the homeless, spur positive political change, and provide emotional and spiritual support to others.

However, some use you as a reason to harm and oppress others. I see your followers become hateful toward other humans. I see the blood that is spilled while they try to please you. I see the exclusion of those who act differently, dress differently, worship differently, and love differently. I see teachers who claim to offer spiritual guidance but are only after power and control. I've heard of the wars started, the books burned, the tears shed. I see this in many faiths, as people constantly corrupt what was once a way to search for understanding. Parents have even disowned their own children, their own creation and blood in your name. Though you preach the importance of family in your many books, people will ignore your teachings in order to please you! A loving God would never abandon his children, so why do some leave their own in His name?

Some attempt to share God's love on Earth, but end up sharing pain. I adore spirituality, and I'm fascinated by you and the many faiths you include, but I cannot understand why people use you to create fear. I must ask you, if unending burning and torment is love, then what is sorrow? What is hate? Am I simply a broken object because I happen to love any gender? Is the kindness in my soul erased due to how I dress? Do feelings of attraction and sensuality make me less worthy of compassion and respect?

I've spent so much of my time pondering these questions. I've felt ashamed of who I am as a person for so many years. Even though I've been blessed with an accepting community, I still internalize societal and religious teachings that harm me. I've spent so much time wondering if I'm hated by the God I've always loved. Religion, I love you, but not everything you've created. I'll never know all the answers, but I know you weren't meant for hate, You should inspire others to love one another, not discriminate, kill and betray!

Nonetheless, I don't discount the wonderful things you've created. I've seen great acts of humanity and charity done by churches, temples, mosques, and synagogues. I've met wonderful people and experienced many marvelous things through my family's church. When I was very young I was a member of the church choir. When I went on stage and sang, I felt your beauty. I felt people come together and find community through something as simple as a song. I've educated myself so much by studying you. I've become more introspective and philosophical, and I've grown to understand and appreciate what others believe. You've helped me love this world, and more importantly, love others..

In my view, you are not a villainous creation that sets out to create anguish. Nor are you a perfect concept that should be revered and praised without being challenged. Rather, you are a concept humans have created to try and figure out this complicated world, and a way we try to connect to the universe, as well as each other. You are a way to connect to the divine, but by yourself you are not God, you are but a way of understanding him. Some of your leaders claim that you have answers we should never question. Little do they know, you are truly a question we can never answer. I will never cease seeking awareness and understanding, and I will never quit my attempts to be aware of you.

In the end, you are still my first passion and love; the moon in the starry skies of my mind. I wish to grow with you and your sister Spirituality throughout my life. I will never stop seeking knowledge, but first I must seek love.