She's A Rainbow

15. i want him to

——
Dear Heaven, I know you're all getting ready for Kiara's recital, but it's about to be an important night for me too. Instead of watching more "ten signs" videos, I've spent a week learning how to sing and play my new fave anthem:

'pay grade' by miss Olivia Rodrigo. Why? Well, I've spent so long playing accompaniment for other people and I've never really played for myself. (Plus I already got paid and I'm not seeing the guy again after tonight, so what's the loss?) I'm FINALLY taking control for myself. I'm not letting him ruin me like all the others. I'm not letting him have this power over me.|
——

I step into the ballroom and get engulfed by the amount of people in black tie wear. The giant room sparkles with diamonds; from the rims of spiral staircases, to the lining of shot glasses, and of course the jewelry everyone sports. Silver chandeliers hang above our heads, and they look like crystal waterfalls.

Man. I feel like a spy infiltrating a secret costume party.

I spot two pop-up signs that say: "Participants Only!" On the left, and "Audience Only!" On the right, in a fancy, cursive font. I click my heels into the Participants section and it leads me down a mint green hallway lined with makeshift dressing rooms.

Said participants stomp over the soft carpet, bumping into each other as they rush to get ready. Thank God this isn't hardwood flooring, because it would be a ridiculous lawsuit. I hear some warbling their voices to warm up, others repeat a classical monologue, and a few practice a dance routine as well.

"Go find your own space. I'm practicing," One girl warns another.

"It's big enough for two people. Come on." The other rebuts.

"Fuck off, Marina! I'm not letting you ruin my chances at getting noticed by agents."

I hide my scowl at them so I won't make any unnecessary enemies. But, come on. These people are supposed to be older than me and they're acting like toddlers. Anyways, my plan.

My plan wasn't to start off with singing 'pay grade', it has to be done gradually. I put it into three phases.

PHASE ONE: this tight, sleeveless black dress I'm wearing. At this point, he's only seen me in oversized sweaters and baggy pants that hide my body. He's never seen me wear this before. It's like my version of the revenge dress.

Suddenly, I spot him wandering with bowed legs, looking like a baby deer that just entered the world. And I groan. Of course he would look cute in a black tux, he doesn't even have his white collar shirt buttoned all the way, nor does he have a tie. I approach him, and he instantly smiles. Finally finding a sense of comfort in me. He won't for long.

"Hey," I start.

"Hey! I—" then, he looks up and down at me, gazing my figure. "Wow. You look incredible."

Phase one complete.

PHASE TWO: Giving him a false sense of security. I've been told by many people, specifically guys, that I have a nurturing sense about me. Time to play that up.