She's A Rainbow

17. i'll never be this happy again

• November, 2019 •

journal entree #6~
Dear Heaven, I'm lucky. But when I think about it, it kind of pisses me off.

The only reason why I'm with Aaron is because he finds me physically attractive. That's it. It's all based on luck. And, don't get me wrong, physical attraction is *definitely* important when it comes to relationships (obviously) but it feels so binary.

Maybe it's because I'm used to seeing stories about people that dislike each other at first and then grow to love each other. But I feel like for me I can't have the luxury. 'Cause in reality...you can have the best personality in the f****ing world and the best chemistry, but none of it matters if you're not hot to them. I don't have a chance for someone to change their mind about me based on me as a person. It's so...shallow.|

"What are you writing?" Aaron asks from my bed.

I close my Chromebook shut and swerve my chair around to face him.

"Have you ever been in one acts?" I ask back.

"Of course. I'm co-directing next year."

"Really?"

"Yeah! My buddy, Ryan, and I are writing one right now. It's an adaptation from that one Adventure Time episode. The Creeps." Then he twiddles his fingers in the air.

"So...basically just writing Clue?" I joke.

"Yeah, yeah," he groans. "Is that what you're doing, too? Are you writing one for next year?"

"It's a bit more complicated than that."

He raises his eyebrow. "Oh? How so?"

"It's actually for this year."

"Aren't you still a sophomore?"

"My friend, Heaven, is a junior. And she decided last minute that she wanted to write and direct a one act to basically prove our theatre community wrong about us. She got a senior to sponsor her." I explain.

"Oh. Are you helping her?"

"Yeah. We all are. My friend group are basically writing diary entries and then at the end of the month we give it to her. And then she's going to adapt into a script. The one act is about our lives."

"Whoa. That's so cool...am I in it?" He asks.

I giggle. "Of course."

He leans back. "Naaaah, that's not right. I don't believe anyone in your school will do my character justice besides me."

"Okay. Then audition with me, coward." I instantly reply.

"I would if I could. Hey, there's no personal stuff about me on there, right?"

"Nope. It's mostly just how I react to you."

"I hope it's good."

"Yeah—no duh it's good!" I joke.

"It's almost the end of the month, actually." He mentions. "Does that mean you're done?"

"Wow..." I lean back in my chair. "Yeah, actually. After this diary entry, I'm done. Fuck...I went through like three seasons of character development in one month. I don't feel done yet, though."