She's A Rainbow

12. i wanna be her, livin' just like clara

Sierra's Diary
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journal entree 4
Dear Heaven, here are 4 reasons why Micheal & I have a good relationship 💕:

1. We don't fight everyday. And when we do we always apologize afterwards.
2. We go on dates all the time after school and he always includes me in conversations with his friends.
3. He doesn't attack me when I complain about something.
4. No pressure for sex or other things

Ever since I started dating him, my mom has been nagging me, telling me to not be surprised if it doesn't work out. But I'm not her, and I'm not Dad. I'm not going to let our relationship slowly deteriorate from my eyes until we become unrecognizable.

Though, I hate that she's right about one thing: he's my first boyfriend. Not only that, but he's my first HIGH SCHOOL boyfriend. Statistically, those relationships don't have the best track record.

But, it's not impossible to beat the odds. Many people have one-and-done relationships.

Tonight, my agent gave me the day off. In fact, she ordered me to take the day off to keep my mind off it. Elle says it's going to be a while until we hear back to see if I made it to another round of auditions.

I decided to spend it trying something new. Something bold. Because when you're in a relationship, you both have to be open minded. That's what makes it work.|

❤️🧡💛💚💙

I rummage through my wardrobe, tossing clothes to the floor. I've tried at least five different combinations but they all look like crap. Like I'm trying too hard to fit in.

Then, I take a minute to notice how funny I look. Freaking my ass out over something stupid while Taylor Swift's Lover plays in the background. Listening to her gentle guitar strums brings me back to Earth.

Except, it's not stupid. I'm freaking out because I studied his city friends' Instagram accounts for research. And they're all so cool. They ride skateboards, wear black-striped sweaters and layer it with graphic tees of rappers from the nineties, and they film shit with fisheye cameras!

Meanwhile, I look lame in my basic outfits. Long-sleeved crops tops, black leggings. Sneakers. No Doc Martens. Another part of good relationships is having their friends like you. If they don't like me, I'm fucked.

I then make an executive decision. I debuted this style of makeup before with my friends, and they didn't think it was bad— a bit questionable, but not bad. So, I'm going to finally debut it to him.

I pull my curly, caramel hair into small pigtails. I plop on foundation, brush highlighter against my nose, and pat pink blush across my cheeks. I enhance my lashes with mascara before painting a winged line with black, liquid eyeliner over my lids.

I look just like the girls he posed with in pictures, and I feel giddy. I feel pretty. But, it's because they look cool. I admire their style. And I think it fits me.

And if he approves, then it's a bonus.

I find a tight, long sleeve turtleneck and layer it with a t-shirt. Then, I manage to fit into my high-waisted blue jeans which I haven't worn since middle school. Even though they feel tight around my knees when I bend, it makes my waist look amazing.