A Court of Dew and Shade

Chapter Three

I never understood the power of silence until we reached this point. Everyone on this roof just stopped making any kind of sound, staring at me with a great horror on his or her faces. Cassian froze again, didn't move a single inch but also didn't stop staring at me with wide eyes, his mouth opened up a bit and tears running silently down his face.

My eyes met Nesta's and for the first time in forever her face looked like pure shock. I've never seen her speechless in my whole life but this time her eyes weren't full of her usual hardness. Not a piece of knowing what to do. She, we, were completely overwhelmed.

"I-I Am so sorry, Cassian", my mum whispered and went up to him. She put a hand on his shoulder. Slowly his face turned as he watched her. They were best friends, siblings in emotions and they always protected each other. But this enemy wasn't one he could be protected of. And all the thoughts that followed it, weren't able to be smashed.

Or ignored.

His mom was alive. Has been his whole life long. Alive.

She left him alone in dirt, dust and anger. On his own being still a newborn baby at an Illyrian camp and never ever returned. Left him to die just for him to become a savor of our world. To save our world, her world. To become the hero he was born to be.

To also save her life even though he didn't know.

With saving the night court and Prythian in Hybern, the wars and every other he fight he went in, he saved her life.

Unknowing.

"Show me", Cas whispered. He looked away from my mom, who had wiped away his tears. He shoot me a glance with pure steel and coldness in his eyes. This wasn't the person I knew. And even though it ashamed me I was afraid of what the anger in him would do. I prayed to the great mother that he would not loose himself in this emotion and that the Cassian I knew would come back. Stronger, not broken. "Show me"

My eyes met my mums'. After a short nod, I walked two steps in his direction and held out one hand. Again – I did not need any kind of physical contact. But Uncle Cas seemed as if he'd needed an anchor to survive this. He stepped forward, looked at Nesta who still clutched at his side and let go of her hand. He grabbed mine with both of his bear-paw-hands and took it in the middle between his.

"You sure?", I asked, my mouth dry and my tongue feeling like the sand in parts of the summer court. Cas shook his head, nodded and then shook it again.

"I always wished to see her one last time", he whispered. "All the pictures Feyre drew were based on the memories of anybody who knew her. They were one of the best presents I ever got and I remember every bit of her face on these paintings. And right now there is a chance for me to see how she looked. How she actually looked right before she died. Cause of her age. Not because of Illyrian bastards that made her work her life out of her soul."

A memory appeared in my mind. My dad telling me what Cassian did after he found out that his mom died. The lives he took in advance. His wings shifted as if he heard my thoughts and were pushed down by the silence weight of guilt.

"It was not your fault", I answered. He looked up, crying again.

"Yes it was", he said. "But why-" His voice broke.

"Why?", Nesta asked softly. She came up to Cassian, laid her hand above ours and watched him closely. "What do you mean?"

"Why didn't they stop me? Why didn't they tell me that she was alive? That she somehow flew or something? I killed them. All of those bastards that theoretically killed my mom. Without hesitation. Without guilt.. I- I am..."