stevebucky - hiraeth

13. Enemy

Barnes woke up with a start, looking over at Steve, who was slowly opening his eyes. 

"Steve," Bucky breathed.

Steve turned his head to look at Bucky. His expression went through a number of emotions- neutral, relieved, then nervous, then angry, then-

scared. He was scared of him.

Suddenly, Steve ripped out the IV and jumped out of the bed in one move. He stumbled across the room, slamming the door open and running down the hall. Barnes went after him, the Avengers popping their heads of the rooms.

Barnes grabbed him from behind and Steve fought back, backpedaling so he slammed Barnes into a wall. Due to his one-armed grip, he let go by accident.

Steve started running again, and made it about three feet before he collapsed.

The Avengers swarmed around him then, and Barnes didn't move. Steve had looked at him like he was the enemy, run from him like he was the enemy.

That goddamn chip had ruined them.

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It took Clint, Nat, Rhodes, AND Sam to carry Steve back to his room(Strange had to leave to defend the Sanctorium), and he woke up halfway through.

"Why is he here?" Steve asked, loudly.

"That's Bucky, Steve," Nat supplied. "You know, that guy you won't admit you're in love with?"

"He's lying," Steve growled. "He's LYING! HE LIED TO ME! HE LIED!"

Nat gave Sam a look.

"So much for getting the crazy out," Clint sighed.

"HE DID THIS! HE DID IT! HE'S LYING!!" 

Wanda had to put him to sleep. 

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Barnes had decided to go for a very long walk around the compound. Anything to get his mind off how everything got even worse.

"So, he's still loony, but he's awake this time," Tony said.

"Apparently. He's refusing to talk to us, and he wants Barnes out. He keeps saying he lied and that Barnes put the chip in him," Nat explained. 

"I thought the two of them would be making out like there's no tomorrow as soon as he would be awake."

"Tony," Rhodes said, his arms crossed.

"I mean, you thought that too, right?"

"I'm not answering that."

"Let's go see the capsicle, shall we?" Tony clapped his hands and they went to see Steve.

His wrists were tied to the bed.

"Is he gone?" Steve asked, his arms shaking as he occasionally tried to get out of the ties.

The three of them shared a look. "No," Rhodes said. 

"I need to get him out of here." Steve said, barely calm. "He's going to kill all of us."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's past all that," Tony said.

"I killed you," Steve said suddenly, deadpan, staring straight at Tony. "I killed you twelve times."

He looked at Nat. "You killed me seven times." Nat shrugged, not even surprised.

He looked at Rhodes. "I killed you once."

"Okay then," Tony said, trying not to look rattled. 

"James killed me so many times," Steve muttered, closing his eyes. "I can't remember how many. Too many."

"None of that actually happened, Steve." Rhodes said kindly. "He would never hurt you in real life."

"He almost killed me in 2014."

"He was under control of HYRDA. He didn't mean it."

"He told me he LIED! HE LIED!" Steve thrashed, and snapped the arms of the cot off, sitting up. His eyes rolled back in his head and he fell back, his nose starting to bleed profusely.

"That's..." 

"Bad," Nat finished.

Steve got up again and tried to run, but Tony and Rhodes held him down.

"So that chip really damaged him," Rhodes said. "Like, permanently, maybe."

"Let's hope not."

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They let him have his own floor to himself, so he wouldn't accuse them of making him a prisoner. But he was. He was unstable, and would probably snap again if he saw Barnes.

And he did see him, four weeks later.

Barnes didn't know how he had stayed away this long. His head was tearing him apart, and he had spent weeks distracting himself from his own torment.

But he had to talk to him eventually. And today was that day.

Steve was standing in front of a punching bag. Not punching it. Just watching. Or like it was talking. Whatever it was, it wasn't a  Steve thing to do, and it was creeping Barnes out.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Barnes said clearly.

Steve looked back at him. "You already have enough."

It stung.

"You and me.." Steve gestured to the two of them, "it can't work. It won't work. We've hurt each other too many times."

"I still love you," Barnes blurted desperately.

"Please don't say that. Don't tell me that. I don't love you, okay? I don't love you. Maybe I never loved you."

"Stop, Steve, you don't mean that."

"I can't look at you. Do you know how many times you killed me? Do you know how many times I killed you?"

They both had tears in their eyes.

"I thought I loved you, but I was stupid. I don't want to see you anymore."

"Steve-"

"GO!" Steve yelled, his features twisted.

Barnes turned and ran, barely trying not to cry. But what he didn't see was Steve, who crumpled to the ground in a heap of tears, head in his hands, moaning with sobs, and stayed there for almost a full day before Nat found him.