Dulling Glisters of the Diamond (Casa Fuego Series #5)

Chapter 38

Abyss

Hindi niya ako binitawan kahit pa noong humupa na ang mga luha niya. He was leaning on his desk while hugging me by my waist. Kanina ko pa siya kinukumbinsi na bitawan na ako dahil may mga kailangan pa siyang pirmahan.

"Let's stay this way for a little longer," he pleaded.

I sighed heavily and rested my head on his chest. Now that my mind is in a clearer state, I tried to process everything. Parang kahapon lang, nagkita ulit kami ni Mama. And now Astrid Lopez revealed herself that she hid my letters!

At some point, anger burned within me. Had she not manipulated the way of my letters to him, things would have turned out differently. But when I saw how regretful she really was, I was reminded of how desperate I was too when I learned that I was pregnant. While I don't agree with what she did, I can certainly understand that sometimes we do the wrong things out of desperation to save oneself.

"We can file a case against her-"

"Kailangan pa ba talaga ng ganyan?" mahinahon kong putol.

"I know she was desperate but that was still wrong. Her desperation shouldn't justify what she did. I lost... six whole years with you and our son, Grace."

"But I just want to live a life looking forward. Even if you file a case against her, nothing will change."

He hugged me tighter.

"Please, let's just try to live catching up on everything we missed."

He sighed heavily.

"If we continue dwelling on the past, you'll soon realize that we wasted another set of years in waste."

Pumayag din siya kalaunan. But he made it clear to me that he won't forgive and forget what Astrid did. Naiintindihan ko iyon. Forgiveness cannot be forced nor rushed. He's still very angry, his pain is still very raw. Him forgiving her is not something I can force in him. I have no plans to.

He signed the papers while I was sitting on his couch, still thinking about Astrid Lopez. She looked genuinely regretful earlier. At napagtanto ko na minsan, kapag klaro na ang utak natin, saka pa lang natin napapagtanto ang maling nagawa noong magulo pa ang isip.

I've been through almost the same situation as her years ago. We were both not ready to be a mother. Our experiences may have been different, but somehow, I know we both came to the point of desperation. Walang ibang makakaintindi sa kanya kundi ako.

Medyo matagal na ang oras na nakalipas pero alam kong pagsisisihan ko kung hindi ko siya kakausapin.

I roamed around his office, trying to find the right moment. He had a shelf with his awards, certificates, and recognitions from high school until his professional career.

I smiled when I saw a group picture of the young Julius and his team when they were still BM3 agents. Nakaakbay si Elias kay Clara, habang si Julius ay may hawak na beer, nakauniporme pang itim. His uniform was that of the uniforms I see on agents undercover. His leather boots, all black uniform, and belt with guns.

Lumapad lalo ang ngisi ko nang makita ang isa pang picture kasama ang team niya. Julius Manriquez now is dripping hot, but the young Julius was just so different. The way he looked at the camera with a small smirk on his lips. By this picture you can already tell that he breaks girls' heart, a wild party animal, and a very dangerous man.

I remember disliking before because of that same feeling he gives off. I thought it was irritation for him, but now I realized it's irritation for myself. Because even when I didn't like him as a person, I still found him very attractive. I felt my insides get disturb just with his mere gaze.