Dulling Glisters of the Diamond (Casa Fuego Series #5)

Chapter 22

Glisters 

I've written him so many letters but I've gotten no reply.

It's already been three weeks since I have been sending letters to him, and everytime the driver comes back with nothing, it wretches my heart more. I feel like he has completely abandoned me after his fiancee came home. Pakiramdam ko, basta na lang niya akong tinapon.

"Are you really sure he's received the letters?" kritikal ang boses ko habang matamang tinitignan ang driver na inutusan ni Conor.

Nasa backyard kami at sekretong nagkita para personal ko siyang matanong. Determinadong tumango ang driver.

"Opo, Senyorita! Nasisiguro ko po! Noong nakaraang linggo, sadyang ibinaba ko po sa buson ng mga Manriquez. Noong nabalitaan ko naman po na lumuwas ng Maynila, nagpunta po ako sa post office at pinadala sa sekretarya ni Sir Julio. Hindi lang po 'yon! Tatlong beses ko na rin pong sinadya na sa kanya mismo ipadala! Wala pa rin po talaga akong natanggap na sulat, e!"

I gasped shakily. I held my stomach for a while before I shivered. Agad kong binitawan, halos mandiri sa naiisip.

"Then, try sending this again. Baka natabunan lang sa dami ng mga papel niya. Send this to him again," I discreetly gave him the envelope.

"Opo, Senyorita! Babalitaan ko na lang po kayo!"

I nodded.

Matagal na akong namomroblema dahil tatlong linggo na at wala akong pinalagpas na araw. I even sent him two letters in a day but I still got no reply! Sinasadya niya ba o talagang natatabunan lang ang mga sulat ko? Pero sobrang dami na noon para matabunan pa!

I felt a sting on my chest at the thought that he's intentionally ignoring me. Ano? Tapos na ba siya sa akin kaya parang wala na lang ako? How can he do this to me?!

I continued sending him letters and I patiently waited in the balcony every morning, the time when the driver comes back with his old truck. I gasped shakily when I saw him got out of the car and walked towards the waiting Lourdes. Sumakit ang dibdib ko nang makita ang bigo niyang pag-iling, hudyat na wala talaga siyang natanggap.

Marahas na hininga ang ginawa ko bago tumalikod at pumasok sa loob. Tears started rolling down my face, especially when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I am now two months pregnant and when I hit the 3 month mark, my bump will show! Kapag nangyari iyon, hindi ko na maitatago pa sa pamilya ko iyon.

Kayang-kaya kong malagpasan ang lahat, pero sa sitwasyon ko ngayon, pakiramdam ko hindi ako kailanman uusad. I have been let down by the man I loved and still love. My family is furious with the family of the man I've ever loved.

I've always been alone, but my situation heightened my loneliness. Pakiramdam ko pinagtaksilan ako ng buong mundo, at walang ibang tutulong sa akin kundi ang sarili ko. I am trying to be strong for myself but everything is getting to overwhelmingly heavy.

Magpapatuloy ba ako sa pagsunod sa mga magulang ko? I can just go out of this mansion and go personally to Julius. But what if I can hear an answer directly from him that will break me more? If I do that, then I will completely burn. I will never recover.

I've tried many times to make my work as an excuse. Nagpatuloy na ako sa trabaho noong nakaraan dahil iyon na lang ang naging takas ko sa sitwasyon ko.

"Mama, I need to go out for an errand," subok ko isang beses.

"Sure, just bring our bodyguards with you," that was always her answer.

Pinayagan ako pero alam kong lahat ng pupuntahan ko ay makakarating sa kanya. It's just a failed try if I push through. Baka mawala pa sa oras ang pagkakaalam nila tungkol sa dinadala ko.