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( CHAPTER NINE: WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ) March, 1992
❝ it was never your fault. ❞
◯
It was a dark day in New York city. Janet Jackson found herself succumbed to her own misery, feeling a hot, fleeting anger weighing down on her shoulders at the thought of what went down a few hours prior. She felt foolish, perhaps even a little bit naive. However, mostly important, she felt sad. Sad at the fact that she tried her best to earn Devon Emmet's trust, and yet he was still stuck in the past.
Sad at the mere thought of being so damn close to entering a relationship with him, and then she had to make that stupid decision that left the two of them in shambles. However, Janet knew that at this point, she had done everything she could to repair things with him. She was trying, he wasn't, and just the thought of that left her fuming with rage.
When Janet returned to her hotel room the next day, everything seemed much more grimmer. The colors, the weather, her mind, it was all a foggy. She was tempted to just stay in her room forever and slowly waste her existence away, but unfortunately she never could. She had a career, a life, a purpose. Even though Devon Emmet was the one she truly wanted, she couldn't put her life on hold for him.
No man was worth the trouble, and certainly not a man who didn't want her back. I don't need him anyways, Janet thought, brushing aside the sweet memories of his smile, his laugh or even the wilted look that would soften his eyes whenever he would feed her some sincere, heartfelt compliment. Those were moments she held dear, but she needed to forget about them.
Janet just had to face the facts, they weren't meant to be together. For a moment, when those stiff words entered her mind, Janet felt her heart throb with pain, trying to force the horrid thought into her mushy brain, but her body kept resisting. Her feelings revolted against her level-headed decisions, practically forcing her to face the obvious—she still felt for him, deeply. And the fact that they both decided that nothing more should come of their relationship made her body throb and ache.
"Why is this so hard?" Janet grumbled under her breath, shifting her hips against the end of the bed as her mind grappled with the thought. She thought she learnt her lesson about love and war. Having gone through a marriage that slowly ate her happiness away, as well as a failed engagement that left her feeling so chaste and unwanted—she thought that by now she would feel numb to heartbreak.
But she wasn't, and it felt ironic. Maybe it was due to the fact that she had never felt a love quite like this before.
"Janet!" A female voice broke through Janet's ailing thoughts. The pop star's head dashed up, looking towards her room door skeptically. The last thing she needed was some company, but unfortunately, she had to admit that maybe a small little distraction could do her some good. So, the black woman stood straight and waltzed towards the door, her hand gently cradling the handle before she slowly craned it open.
