Thirteen Months

Burden

TW // anxiety, disturbing imagery, abuse, verbal abuse, flashbacks

Sugawara felt awful. Mizuko appeared to have been avoiding him all day. Not only did she refuse to speak to him, she didn't even look at him. Not once. Not even just a glance. Her eyes stayed trained on her work. Sugawara tried to catch her eye, but she determinedly faced forward. Instead, he looked over at Daichi in search of some sort of explanation. Daichi looked apologetically at the setter but didn't offer any insight into why Mizuko was acting weird. Did I do something wrong? Sugawara thought to himself. Did she not like my house? Were the twins too loud? Did she not want to sit next to me? But...she moved closer to me. The thoughts swirled through Sugawara's head all day, unable to let him focus on anything else; his mind was completely filled with her.

***

Mizuko felt awful. She couldn't look at Sugawara, she refused to. She couldn't face him. He didn't need to be burdened with her diagnosis as well. He didn't need to be burdened with...her.

A memory swam to the forefront of her mind, causing the girl to freeze with the vividness of the mental picture.

"How could you leave me!" A harsh voice screamed. "You keep leaving me alone, making me shoulder the burden!"

"No, no," another voice soothed. "Dearest, I love you."

"Then stay!" The first voice, a woman's voice, screamed.

The second voice sighed heavily. "You know that I can't. I wish I could. But I have responsibilities to my squad."

"Oh yea?" The woman challenged. "What about responsibilities to your family? To your child? To me?"

The second voice was silent. "I thought you said you were ready for this?" The masculine sounding voice finally responded.

"I thought so too," the woman said. "Apparently I was wrong. "

"We'll get through it together," the man said.

"Together? Together!" The woman's voice rose to a high pitched scream, almost as if she was losing it.

"Darling, I--"
"Don't you darling me! You're leaving me alone! Putting all the burdens on me!"

The scene faded into another one; Mizuko was around eleven years old. Her father was away and it was just her and her mother alone in the small house. "I can't believe this," her mother grumbled. "He leaves me alone again...with the house and the bills and...you." Little Mizuko peeked around the corner into the kitchen, watching her mother with large, frightened eyes. Her mother looked up and spotted her. "Come here," her mother ordered. Mizuko hesitantly padded to her side, looking up with concern. She hadn't been prepared for the slap. "Don't look me in the eye!" Her mother screamed, spittle flying into her daughter's face.

The scene shifted again. After her father was killed in action, Mizuko's mother seemed to decline. She drank constantly. She slept with many different men and would cycle through boyfriends every month. Many of the men she chose as partners had been less than savory characters.

Her mother's latest boyfriend, a man named Souta, had been the worst. Mizuko had just turned sixteen. She was now a beautiful young woman, small and petite with slight curves, high cheekbones, and beautiful long curly hair. In other words, she had once been an alluring young girl. That is, until what Souta did to her.

The blood. The pain. The smell of alcohol. The crushing weight on her chest. Hands everywhere. Bruises. And an invasive, foreign feeling. Everything feeling wrong. And no matter how many times Mizuko screamed for help, nobody came. Nobody helps her. Not even her own mother.

Instead her mother tells her to be quiet. Mizuko's voice is annoying to her. She loathes to hear the complaints from her child. She loathes to even look at her child...how much she looks like her father. The father that left them. The father that abandoned them.

***

"Daichi!" Hinata called frantically. He ran through the third year wig desperately calling out for his captain. Daichi turned from his conversation with Michimiya.

"Whoa," he chuckled. "What's wrong?" His smile dropped as he saw the absolute terror on the younger boy's face. "Hinata, tell me," Daichi insisted.

"Mizu...she...freaking...out," Hinata managed in between pants.

"Where?" Daichi asked, shaking Hinata's shoulders slightly. "Tell me!"

"Gym," Hinata gasped out. Daichi shot Michimiya an apologetic glance before rushing off towards the gymnasium.