Lost & Found

The tale of an inconsolable girl

It had been a few weeks since Emma found out she was pregnant. Aiden had brightened her world so much more during those weeks with his excitement over the new baby, immediately wanting to begin to preparing for their arrival, showing her pictures of cribs and bassinets, and even picking out a cute little white onesie with teddy bears on it when they were out shopping together one day.

He even went as far as suggesting that the two of them really start to think about what kind of living situation they envisioned once the baby was born - whether she and Lucy would move into his apartment with him and Haven, or the two of them getting really serious and buying a house together. He also let her know that she could stay at her parent's house if the thought of either of those scenarios was too overwhelming.

Everything just seemed like it was going so smoothly for once. It was almost like the tides had turned in their grieving processes. Almost like the baby really started the healing process for both her and Aiden, like it marked their new beginning, a new chance at love and happiness.

It really seemed, to her, like she was finally in the acceptance phase of her cycle of grief. She loved Patrick with all her heart, she always would. But she knew in order to continue to be happy in her new normal, she needed to accept that nothing would ever be the same; that Patrick was gone and he wouldn't be coming back. The anniversary of his death was looming over her like a dark rain cloud. She knew once the day came, she might regress with her healing. But she also knew she had someone to help her through it.

The morning of the eve of the anniversary of Patrick's death, Emma woke up early - even before Lucy - and quietly went down to the kitchen to enjoy a peaceful breakfast alone. She rarely had mornings like it. She was usually feeding Lucy right away before even thinking about herself. It was nice to have a cup of coffee and eat breakfast in the stillness of the morning.

She idly leafed through the mail her mother left on the table as she ate her breakfast toast. Most of it was garbage; credit card applications, flyers for grocery stores, and bills. Too many bills. But there was one envelope that caught her attention. The return address was from a law firm - Patrick's law firm. She felt the panic rise in her chest immediately.

It was originally sent to her and Patrick's Boston home. She hadn't thought to give them her forwarding address. So much slipped her mind during those first few months after Patrick's death. There was a stamp mark on the front of the envelope that read in big letters: FORWARD. It then had her mother's address underneath it. The original stamp on it was from nearly two months ago. Two months. How did the letter get lost in the shuffle for that long? Now she was getting it on the eve of the anniversary of Patrick's death.

She stared at it for longer than seemed necessary, but she couldn't get herself to open it. She had a feeling she knew what it was - Patrick's life insurance benefits. It was the accumulation of a life that was cut short. He would be reduced down to a series of numbers that would tick up the value of a bank account, but would do nothing to help grieve.

She slowly opened the top of the envelope with her finger, her hands shaking as she did. Taking a deep breath and letting it out hard, she peered inside, confirming her suspicions. She let out a sob a moment later, grasping the envelope tightly in her fist, the check still buried inside. She couldn't deal with it. She couldn't cope. This was the last final piece of his existence. This was the reality that he was really gone... forever.

Her tears hit her hard as she slid back her chair and got up. As she pushed open the kitchen door, her mother was right there on the other side, just about to walk in the room.

"Emma. What's the matter, honey?" She asked, genuine concern displayed on her face.

Emma let out another sob, holding up her hand with the envelope clutched in it.