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Eren
Here I am, back at it, staring at the wall. I didn't have the energy to go see the group that hung out in the room behind that bright blue door. I didn't even have the energy to talk to Hange. I'm not tired cause of my failing heart, I'm tired because last night I stayed up watching reruns of the Simpsons. I now realize that was a stupid decision.
Although I wanted to sleep I kept myself awake because the sun was out, and it wasn't avoiding my window like it usually did. It was shining into my room, I don't know why, though I don't complain. I like the sun.
"Hello, Eren." I turn towards my door and see Armin standing there in a graphic tee and a pair of pajama pants different from the ones he was wearing a few days ago.
"Hey Armin, on your way to go see everyone?" I ask.
"Actually no, not everyone is doing so well. Ymir is losing weight at an alarming pace, Jean can barely move, and Connie's memory is faltering." A dark shadow covers Armin's eyes as he looks at his feet.
"I'm sorry, you can come in if you'd like." Armin looks up and smiles at me but his eyes still have that shadow cast over them. He walks over and sits cross cross on the end of my bed.
Armin
My friends are dying. I knew that the second I met them but it really didn't hit me until today when Hange told me what was going on. I was scared that I was going to hear a flatline or doctors and nurses yelling about a code that I didn't know the meaning of. I had only known them for a little over a week but during that time they became like family. I don't want to see them go, I don't want their seats behind the bright blue door to be empty. I don't want to be here. Sometimes I wish I was like Connie, he probably won't even remember us in the next few weeks with his worsening condition.
"I'm gonna miss them." I say as I fiddle with my fingers in my lap.
Eren doesn't say anything, I don't think he knows what to say. He wasn't much of a talker. He looked extra tired today, the dark circles under his eyes were extra noticeable. And his hair was messier than usual.
"Sorry, didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." I apologize.
"No, you didn't." He reassures me.
We sat in a slightly awkward silence as I let myself drift off into my thoughts. What if I didn't get to finish reading the book to them? What would it feel like staring at their empty seats?
I jump out of my thoughts as I feel Eren's hand wipe away a tear I didn't know was there. He slowly pulls his hand back and gives me a half smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to start crying." I say while wiping the other tears away with my arm.
"It's fine." He chuckles a little.
Eren
Armin's company is nice even though he's sad. Hange is great don't get me wrong but they've been one of the only people I've talked to for the past two and a half weeks besides the occasional times I would go beyond the bright blue door.
"Eren?" Armin looks up from his lap to look me in my eyes. His blue eyes are sad and tired looking, his hands continue to move around in his lap.
"Yeah?"
"Are you..." He pauses and looks back down, he inhales deeply through his nose and quickly exhales from his mouth. "Are you scared?"
I think over my answer before I say it, "Of dying? No, no I'm not."
He shoots his head up towards me, a worried look plastered on his pale face.
"You don't seem scared either." I continue.
"I am...I'm really scared. I'm scared that soon I'm gonna start hallucinating and that my speech will falter. I'm scared that the next time I hear a flatline it'll be mine..." He trails off.
The light that Armin always carried with him falls away and as soon as it does the clouds outside cover the sun as if on cue. My room was once again dark and cold as it usually was.
I could see the tears hanging on to Armin's chin and then falling down to the back of his palm. I wanted to tell him it would be okay but I'd be lying, just as he said his brain is going to fail him sooner or later. Hopefully for his sake, later.
"It's okay to be scared, just don't let it consume you. Or at least that's what my uncle says."
"Thanks Eren I-"
"Hey boys sorry to interrupt this beautiful bond but Armin you need to get back to your room so we can start your chemo." Hange hangs onto the doorway and leans into the room. Armin nods and then waves at me as he gets off my bed. I wave back and then stare back at the wall like I always do.
I felt my phone vibrate under my leg so I grab it to check and see who texted.
[Mikasa] Hey Eren! Levi and I are going to come by soon, see you later.
It's been a long time since they visited last, I missed them. They were my only family besides my hospital family which consisted of Hange and my old surgeon Dr.Smith. Dr.Smith moved away though, I still texted him every now and then to tell him how the hospital was falling into pieces.
