Jemily One Shots

PTSD

Emily's POV

Independence day, the 4th of July. Fuck. News flash, JJ and I have PTSD, Jennifers being far worse than mine. We're usually more prepared for times like these. However, this year we have a case during the 4th of July. We are in Florida for this case so we really can't go anywhere without hearing the loud bangs of fireworks going off. JJ and I haven't spoken about tomorrow night yet, but I can tell she's nervous. There's no way we're solving this case before tomorrow night so no hope there. To make matters worse, this case is about the kidnappings and murders of little blond boys. Great, just fucking great.

I sent everyone to the hotel tonight including JJ and I, it was around 2 AM and we aren't getting anywhere. The team leaves the room that we were given to keep track of the case, I pull JJ aside to talk, I wanna get this conversation out of the way now instead of later.

"JJ what do you want to do for tomorrow night?" She slumps down in her chair, letting out a deep breath.
"I was thinking about locking myself in a room all alone so I can't harm anyone around me" Yeah no, she would end up becoming a harm to herself, being all alone.
"Jennifer, you know that would never work. The last time you did that you split your head open on accident and had to get 9 stitches" She pinches the bridge of her nose, her thoughts crowding her head.
"Well I'm not walking away from this case so i'll just have to suck it up and work through the fireworks"
"That's not how it works and you know it, how about I put you on a flight tomorrow morning and you can work the case from Garcia's lair. Plus you can be with Henry, I know this case is getting to you Jen" I realized I said all that with a stern and forceful tone. I just want her to be safe and being in Florida during the 4th of July is not a good idea. I give her a look of sympathy, silently apologizing for my tone.
"Em I can't just go into hiding every time I hear a loud noise!, I have to get over it some time or i'll never be normal"
"JJ nobody wants you to be normal, PTSD is not something you can just get over. You have a real problem and there is no simple solution. You need to understand that this is not your fault and never will be" I talk in a desperate tone towards her.
"Cmon it's late and we need to get some sleep" JJ says, changing the subject.

That night we didn't talk, we didn't cuddle or wish each other a goodnight, we just laid there in the silence until sleep took us over.

I woke up earlier than expected and crawled out of bed. I knew I wasn't going to let Jennifer stay in Florida with us today. I put on my work clothes and stepped into the hallway to make a call.
"This is the office of supreme genius, what can I do for you?" I smile knowing Garcia always finds a way to make someone smile in the darkest moments.
"Hi beautiful, I was wondering if you could book a flight back to DC for JJ"
"Oh no, what happened? Is my Pennsylvania petite alright?"
"Yeah Garcia, she will be. It's the 4th of July and fireworks aren't really her thing" JJ and I aren't really the people to 'share' our trauma so I wasn't really shocked when Garcia asked why.
"Ooooo, I see. Well of course lovey. *typing* Ok she has a flight for 8:30 this morning flying first class. I'll send her all of the info now..."
"NO Garcia don't! I mean, she doesn't really know so I don't wanna tip her off" It really sounds like i'm trying to kidnap her, the more I say the worse it gets.
"Oh, um ok"
"Thank you Pen, I will make it up to you, I'll call you later. Bye"
"Bye sugar"

JJ and I get in the car to head to the station. Little does she know, I'm taking her to the airport.
"Em you just missed your turn"
"Were not going to the station love" I guess she remembered the way we route from the airport so she started yelling at me
"Emily Prentiss, I want to kill you. NO! NO! NO! NO! I'm not going home"
"Jennifer it is for the best, I won't take no for an answer" This time I look her dead in the eye and talk with a stern voice, she knows in serious now. She doesn't talk the rest of the way here.

When we get to the airport she gets out of the car and doesn't look back. I know she's not going to miss her flight because she knows deep down that this is the right thing for her. I'm kind of hurt that she didn't even look back but I understand why she's mad and don't push her.

It's been a couple of hours since I dropped JJ off. The team doesn't question me much, they know little about her PTSD but enough to know why she isn't here. Garcia texted me, telling me JJ just got the BAU and said something about her going to an off grid cabin. JJ and I bought a cabin a couple of years ago for times like this. It's a small cabin in butt fuck nowhere for when we need to get away. Just a quiet place where nobody can bother us.

*Time skip - Case has been solved*

We get off the jet around 7 ish, the day after the 4th, so the 5th. I don't know why I had to describe that but oh well. I call JJ and she picks up on the 3rd ring.
"This is to tell you that i'm alive but that i'm still not talking to you" She hung up on me after that. I deserve that I guess. I did ask Garcia to track her phone to see if she was home or at the cabin, Pen said she was at the house. Yay, I get to be yelled at for the next week.

I unlocked the front door and Henry immediately jumped in my arms.
"Hi bubba, how are you? I missed you" I spin him around in my arms
"Hi mama, I miss you too. Today at pre-school..." he rambled on about his day, talking quickly so I wouldn't lose interest.
I walked up to JJ, she was making Henry some pasta. I hugged her from behind,
"I'm sorry" I mumbled into her neck
"No you're not, but i'll accept it anyways" She's right, I'm not. But I did it because I know it was in her best interest and safety.
"How was the cabin?" I'm still hugging her and now swaying back and forth as she stirs the food.
"How did you- I'm going to kill Garcia. It was quiet and boring"
"That's good" She poured the food onto a children's plate for Henry.
"Monkey, your food is ready. Go wash your hands and sit at the table"
"Ok mommy" Henry says as he darts out of the living room.

We get Henry down for bed and go into the kitchen to clean up the day's events.
"Even though I hated it, thank you for making me come home. I didn't realize I needed it" She looks down shamefully as she talks. I walk over to her and lift her chin with my thumb, where inches away and I can feel her breath on me.
"Jennifer Jareau, you have nothing to be ashamed of, what you have to go through is not, and will never be, your fault. Do you understand me?" Her eyes tear up as she nods
"Words love, use your words"
"Yeah I understand *sniffle* thank you Em" I pull her into a hug, we stay like that for a couple of minutes, breathing each other's scent.

JJ pulls away and I wipe the tears from her eyes
"I was scared, I didn't know what to do if I started to have flashbacks while alone at the cabin, so the whole night I just watched videos of you and Henry on my phone, didn't get a blink of sleep I was so terrified Em" I should have sent Garcia with her to the cabin, leaving her alone was not a good idea after all, at least i'll know for next time.
"Hey, look at me. He can't get you anymore ok? He's dead and you're alive. You won, he lost. You have a life, a family, a son. He has nobody, all because you were brave and strong" I'm right and she knows it. She nods and we head to bed.

JJ finally fell asleep 2 and a half hours later, Henry ended up in our bed too. I didn't dare go to sleep before her, I know she needs me right now, and leaving her all alone was not going to make it better. JJ needs to feel safe and loved, not alone.

So yes, sometimes we do need to get away for a while, but we will not do it alone. Not anymore at least.