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As stupid as it sounds, I hated that Suna was mad at me. I didn't like feeling on my toes when I tried to talk to him, having the anxiety of saying the wrong things or that he would come up with some phrase capable of hurting me. We'd always been good at poking each other, but in the end we'd never really hurt each other; there were certain boundaries we couldn't cross, for some strange reason, and neither of us had ever stepped over them.
I'd tried to talk to him both before classes started and between hourly changes, but nothing. Suna ignored me completely, and if I tried to approach him, he would back away even more.
When the lunchtime bell rang, Suna sprinted out of the classroom. I almost had to run to catch up with him. I grabbed his sleeve so that he would stop.
«Stop running,» I said, breathlessly. «I need to talk to you.»
He huffed and turned, facing me. «What do you want? If people see us together they'll think we're friends. And we don't want that, right?»
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and stared at him. Had he been upset about that? But why? We weren't friends, after all.
«I want to apologize for the way I acted yesterday. You were trying to be...decent...with me and I - let's just say I didn't make it easy. I'm sorry,» I blurted out.
Well, now that I've apologized why won't this overwhelming feeling in my chest go away? I asked myself.
Suna just looked at me - or rather, he looked at my fingers still gripping the fabric of his shirt. I let go of him.
«Are you done?» he asked, shifting his eyes to my face.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I closed it again and stared back at him.
His expression was cold and blank as usual, but I wasn't as used to it as the others were. Although Suna's eyes were designed to convey a feeling of perpetual boredom and apathy, I hated the fact that he was turning them to me now. I mean, maybe I didn't like it when he was having fun at my expense, but at least his gaze had something casual about it when he looked at me. It was like being one of the favored few who had the pleasure of discovering that the impenetrable and stoic Suna Rintarou did, indeed, have emotions inside him. What a stupid thought.
«Aren't you going to say anything?» I muttered when he was about to leave. I felt pretty pathetic. Wasn't apologizing enough? What else did he want from me?
«What do you want to hear?» he asked.
«Are you serious, Suna?» I sighed, exasperated.
«Look, I'm losing my lunch break to talk to you, so just tell me what else you want and let's get this over with.»
«I just want you to tell me whether or not you accept my apology!»
«I accept it.»
«Then why are you treating me like this?»
Suna studied me, taking in my entire figure, from head to toe and from toe to head. «I treat you like I treat everyone else. Should I give you special treatment?»
Was he being serious? This time it was me who squared him. Was this a joke? Was this a game to see how far I would go? Was he trying to prove a point?
«Forget it,» I huffed, heading back to the classroom to get my lunch.
Whatever Suna's plan was, I wasn't going to let him get to my head.

«Were you in the bathroom today too?» asked Kumiko as I sat down across from her to eat.
«No,» I mumbled. »I was talking to Suna.»
I told her about what had happened the previous night and the way Suna had acted just before in the hallway.
«I'm sorry, but what does Suna know about your family?» my friend asked.
I tried to wrap my head around the things I had told her and the things I had kept to myself, preparing a believable answer. Then I asked myself, why am I lying to Kumiko?
I sighed. I should have told her everything from the beginning, but even then I felt completely overwhelmed with feelings. I felt that way every time I thought of my father and uncle. I wanted to tell Kumiko everything, I really wanted to... But I couldn't. Not at that moment.
«'Miko,» I murmured, head down. «There are some things I haven't told you.»
I kept my eyes fixed on the floor, but I could bet my friend had a very confused look on her face at that moment.
«What?»
I took a deep breath and looked at her. «I found out that my biological father is dead. All I have left is an uncle - I don't even know if I should consider him as such, since he was my father's step brother - but he won't get in touch with me.»
Kumiko made to speak, but I interrupted her. «I promise I'll tell you everything in great detail, but not right now. If I do, I think I might start crying,» I tried to laugh, to defuse the tension.
Kumiko stood up and came to hug me. «Why didn't you tell me about it right away?» she asked in a low voice.
«I don't know,» I replied. If I had told her the truth (my paranoia, my fear of boring her, the shame I felt...) she would have told me I was being silly and that I should have told her about it anyway. She would have been right, of course, but I really didn't want to hear that at that moment.
We went back to eating and talking about other things. I was aware of the slight discomfort between us, but I ignored it. I knew that Kimiko was now curious and concerned, but she would have to wait a little longer. I acted as I always did, the only subtle way I knew to let her know I was okay.

Hi!
I finally decided to update on Wednesdays/Thursdays and Sundays. I shouldn't change my mind now, I hope.
As usual let me know if you enjoyed the chapter.
Until next time :)

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