sour boy | suna rintarou (eng)

26

The boys volleyball team practiced at least four times a week despite being on vacation. Kumiko would often drag me to see their practices, even the ones that didn't involve other teams, with the excuse that she had started to get really interested in volleyball a few weeks ago. Of course, I wasn't buying it.
«Kumiko, tell me the truth. Do you have a crush on someone on the team?» I asked, unable to contain myself any longer.
She turned all red in the face. «What? No!»
I raised an eyebrow. Caught so off guard, she couldn't lie to me. «Come on, you can tell me. I could help you! Is it Gin?» I tried to guess. I'd seen the boy cast several glances in our direction.
Kumiko seemed to think of a thousand things in a single second, then said, «Yes, Gin, yes.»
«Why didn't you tell me?»
«I'm sorry. It's just that... I was afraid... to make a move,» she admitted hesitantly.
I still wasn't convinced, but I decided to play along. I mean, why would she lie to me again?
«Well, don't worry about it. I got this.»

Once practice was done, I approached Gin.
«Hey, Gin! You don't have a girlfriend, do you?» I asked.
He looked surprised. We didn't talk that often, so we weren't too close.
«Mhm, I don't. Thanks for reminding me.»
«I didn't mean to be mean, sorry. But I saw you looking at my friend Kumiko today. Do you want me to introduce you to her?»
His cheeks turned red. «Huh? Really?»
«Sure. Come on!»
I grabbed Gin by the arm and dragged him with me towards Kumiko. My friend was talking to my brothers and Suna.
«Hey, 'Miko! Have you met Gin yet?»
Kumiko gasped at my timeliness. She widened her eyes and stammered embarrassedly, «Oh! Um, I don't think I've ever introduced myself. Nice to meet you, Kumiko Aiko.»
The other three boys looked at me. Atsumu intrigued, Osamu confused, and Suna - Suna was just lost in his own world, probably not even paying attention.
«Nice to meet you,» Gin replied, even more embarrassed than Kumiko. «I see you a lot at our practices. Do you like volleyball?»
«Yeah, I've been getting into it lately.»
«Hmm. I see.»
And they remained silent. I inhaled and gathered all my social skills, trying to help them carry on a conversation. When it seemed to be less forced, I dragged Osamu, Atsumu, and Suna away to give my friend and Gin some privacy.
«What are you up to?» 'Samu asked, almost annoyed.
«Kumiko is interested in Gin. I'm helping her out.»
«What?!» he exclaimed, a little too loudly, causing some of the people present to turn around.
«What's the problem?» I asked.
He recomposed himself and assumed a faux-apathetic expression, but his discomfort clearly shone through. «Nothing at all,» he mumbled.
I studied him for a few moments. Had I been mistaken? No, I thought. I refuse to think that 'Samu is the boy Kumiko likes. Or the other way around.
My brothers and Suna went home, while I waited for Kumiko, who arrived shortly after. I asked her to tell me how it went with Gin, but she didn't say much.
«He's nice, but I don't think he's interested in me,» she murmured, playing with her own fingers.
«No way, 'Miko! He kept looking at you today.»
She shrugged her shoulders and said no more. I didn't insist further.

Kumiko stayed over for dinner and then to sleep.
My queen-sized bed was comfortable enough to welcome the two of us, but I still couldn't get to sleep.
Around two in the morning, I decided to open the window and sit on the roof. Now that it was warm, I could do this without any problems.
Kumiko had fallen asleep early and was still sleeping as peacefully as ever. I, on the other hand, had a bug in my head. Something I couldn't understand, but it was tormenting me. It was like when you have a word on the tip of your tongue but you can't say it, only with thoughts it's much more annoying.
I wrote a message to Terushima, hoping that he was still awake and wanted to talk a little, but he wasn't. I did feel like talking to someone, though...
Suna's window was next to mine. In the last few days he was almost always silent, trying hard not to show it, yet, if called out, he acted like the usual Suna. I peeked through the window and saw him lying on his side, his back to me, on the bed. The light from his phone illuminated his figure.
I hesitated for a moment before knocking, wondering if I was really so desperate to talk to him, but then I did.
Suna turned around, wincing at the sudden sound. When he saw me, he got up lazily and came over to the window, opening it.
«What are you doing?» he whispered.
I shrugged. «I can't sleep.»
He sighed. «Do you want to come in or shall I come out?»
I looked at my open window for a moment. Although Kumiko was in a deep sleep, I didn't want to risk waking her up.
Without answering, I motioned for Suna to move and entered, closing the window behind me.
By now, the guest room was completely occupied by his stuff. He had stored his clothes in the small dresser, arranged his books on the small table in the corner of the room, and the whole room smelled of him.
We sat down on the bed.
«Are you tired?» I asked him.
«No. Actually, I needed something to distract me.»
«From what?»
Suna huffed. «I don't know, I think too much at night.»
I know, I wanted to say. I can see it in your dark circles. «About what?»
«How nosy you are, [Y/n]-chan.»
I stuck my tongue out at him and he reciprocated. Then he said, «I think I'll go back to my house.»
«Oh,» I did, surprised. I wasn't expecting it so suddenly. «What are you going to do about your father?»
«I'm going to kill him, I guess,» he joked, and I huffed. He was trying to play it cool, to not let me see how much the situation was weighing on his shoulders, but it was only worse that way.
«Suna,» I sighed. «Stop pretending to be okay. I don't know why you're doing it, but if it's for some bullshit like "I don't want to worry anyone" or "I don't want to bore my friends," well, you don't need to with me. It's just me, right?»
Suna looked at me as if to contradict me, then sighed. «I don't know. The thing is... I don't want to be angry anymore. When I beat up 'Samu I hated myself deeply, and even though he forgave me I couldn't look at the bruises on his face without feeling like I didn't deserve his friendship - or any of the other good things I have.»
I knew what he was talking about. «Did you hit him because you were angry at the world, or did you do it because you were angry at yourself and wanted to self-sabotage?»
Suna looked away from me. «Don't psychoanalyze me.»
«It's a simple question.»
«Well, I don't want to answer it.»
«Okay.»
I waited a few minutes in silence. Suna slowly brought his gaze back to me. «Do you think I'm a bad person, [Y/n]?» he whispered.
My heart lost a beat. His eyes, his voice, his posture. Everything about him at that moment screamed "I need you to tell me that I'm worth something, that I deserve to be happy."
«That's bullshit, Rin. Of course you're a good person!» I exclaimed, annoyed. I was angry at him for the way he was treating himself. «You're a pain in the ass and tremendously annoying, but I never, not once, thought you were a bad person. I mean, how could I think that when I've seen you make my brothers smile so many times?»
Suna looked at me. His gaze was intense, but I didn't understand what he was thinking.
«Can I kiss you?»
I felt myself flare up. «What?»
«I asked if I can kiss you.»
My body screamed, "Yes! Of course you can!" but my head had decided to shut down completely from overload. «Why?»
«I just want to. It's that simple.»
Why did he have to ask me that? Couldn't he just do it? Saying yes to him was like slapping my pride in the face, but saying no wouldn't please me or him.
«Fuck you, Rin,» I mumbled, and kissed him.
Fuck you because you're messing with my head.
He kissed me back. Slowly, intensely.
Fuck you because I love the way you make me feel when you touch me.
I put my hand in his hair and he on my neck.
Fuck you because I want to hate you.
Suna put me underneath him on the mattress, deepening the kiss.
Fuck you because I don't hate you at all.
His hands roamed over my body just as mine did over his.
Fuck you.
He undressed me and I undressed him.
Fuck me.