Words Unspoken. [Poems]

Hospital gown and socks.

Have you ever had a moment where you felt completely insane?

I have..

September of 2013 my mother found out I had been cutting myself again..

I was driven to the hospital.. She was afraid I was going to kill myself..

I remember walking into the entrance of the hospital trying to cover up my puffy red face. Still bawling because i was afraid of being there. I didnt know what they would do to me. I didnt want to go anywhere but home..

Within minutes i was given a hospital bracelet and was taken to a whole seperate part of the hospital.

It was a hall and at the end were this big heavy, very secure looking automatic door (with nurse codes of course) was.

I walked in and i seen a nurses desk with 3 nurses there. They all stared as i was directed to the squared room diagnol from the desk. The room was small, only 2 chairs a bed and huge windows so the nurses knew i wasnt doing anything.

I then had to strip completely.. (they let me keep my underwear on) and i was given a hospital gown and socks.

I then layed on the hospital bed and covered up as a nurse came in to take some blood..

She made a mess..

Got my blood on the bed.. on my gown..

It was a little trigger..

After that she gave me a cup and said i had to go to the bathroom down the hall and pee in it then, come right back.

This is when i felt insane..

I opened the door and started walking down the hall in my gown and socks..

it was a long white hallway.. 

The nurses were staring..

my heart was racing and i was shaking badly. 

After what felt like forever i finally made it to the bathroom where i immediately locked the door and started looking for anything sharp.. anything to tear my skin.. 

there was nothing..

I started crying and looked in the mirror..

I fell to the floor crying i hated what i seen..

i hated who i was..

I didnt know what was wrong with me..

I didnt want to die..

yet i wanted to rip open my skin..

I just didnt want to feel how i was feeling anymore.

After a few minutes i was able to get myself together enough to pee in the cup and go back to my room.

I was still shaking crazily as i went back in and laid in the bed..

Thats a moment i will never forget..

M.D.G