"My life is a lie, a dark place," Alyssa Pearson said, looking up at the sky with a heavy sigh. The weight of her existence was suffocating her.
"You are in a safe place, Alyssa. This is your home, and your life is as real as you are." He reassured...
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I fix nothing, I let it go.
Aurora wrote this particular line in one of her journals. I know someone famous said these lines, but cannot point out who. Yet again, whatever Aurora felt in the past, I feel the same now. I've always wondered if every human life is attached to another. If so, I could easily place my bet on being attached to Aurora's life. She has forever been my constant. But what if our lives are attached to someone's in a way - that it damages ours forever?
Now when I know the truth, about me, about my life, about that night - I feel awful. The thoughts that surround me are killing me inside. What if that night changed everything for me and the attachment that kept me and the other person alive, shattered and now - I'm the only one who gets to live with the guilt of ruining a life?
All of the thoughts about that night torment me with every passing second. I've ruined a life and behind that one life - I must've damaged many more lives. How do I live with this truth that fate outran me and yet that I'm living, I cannot even survive.
I fix nothing - that is a fact. I could've fixed things with Landon, I could've settled with him. But instead, I ran away - I left him when he was the most vulnerable. What else could I do? With everyone hurting, could I have avoided my pain? NO. Landon felt the physical pain, but what about the emotional and mental pain that I've endured? People can call me a bad sister, but I don't care for now. Landon is in safe hands, he is surrounded by people - Dad, Karen, his beloved Jamie. He doesn't need me.
So I ran away. Just like I'm running away from the truth that I left because I was angry, the betrayal of his promises suffocated me with his explanations. I couldn't stand there and forgive him, only because he had a fractured arm. I'm being a bitch right now, but isn't that what I always was?
My phone rang for the twentieth time now. It was Zach this time. I ignored his call just like I did to the others - Skye, Beth, Neil, Karen, Dad and even Jamie. Landon must've asked her to call me.
"If this thing rings one more time, I'll have to ask you to leave the place."
"So now you're turning your back on me as well?" I asked him. He drank his evening tea - he called it that, as he scrolled through some news on his phone. He looked up at me with a glare. He looked funny though, with the beanie on his head. He wore it to avoid the cold breeze hit his head and cause him a headache.
"If all of them had turned their backs on you, you wouldn't have been getting these many calls. All of them are worried. Everybody is calling me, asking me the same question - Do you know where Alyssa is? Is she with you?" He let out a high pitched voice, trying to sound like a crazy girl. "What am I, your bodyguard?"
