Chapter 18

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I wake up to feel a cold, empty bed beside me. At first I think nothing of it, then I hear a slight murmur. Lifting my groggy head I see Gale. He sits in the corner whispering to himself, rocking back and forth, a blade in hand.

Jumping from the bed I snatch the blade from him, without cutting myself. There are only two new cuts. He must've been sitting here for about an hour.

He looks up at me, shaking. The look of hurt must be strong on my face, because he quickly looks away.

"Hey, I'm here now, no more of this." I say holding the blade. "I'm getting rid of it." At this he raises his head, looking at me in despair. "Your right," I say, "you should do it." His eyes widen as I hand him the blade. I help him to stand and we walk to his bathroom, grabbing any other hidden blades he has.

His hand shakes as I hold it gently over the toilet. "Now let go." I say softly, and his hand opens releasing multiple blades, sending them gliding down to the bottom of the bowl. He reaches out and flushes the toilet watching the blades go down.

"Done." I say.

"Done." He replies.

I reach out and hold his face gently as I kiss him. Then I pull my face slowly from his, only enough so that our noses almost touch.

"I love you." I say, only this time it's different when I say it, it feels more, I don't know, strong.

"I love you too." He replies, filled with the same amount of strong emotion it always has.

We walk down down stairs to another lovely meal prepared by Sue. I, as usual, wolf it down.

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Just yesterday I lay in Cole's arms. Now I sit on a couch curled up with Gale. When will I stop hurting people? If I stay with Gale I hurt him, for he knows I still love Cole and that I can't survive without him as well. If I leave Gale he does this, he breaks down. If I choose Cole I hurt him for he also knows I still love Gale and I couldn't have him out of my life. If I leave Cole he also breaks down. No matter what I do people suffer.

The people I love get hurt. And it's selfish of me, but I just want to have both of them in my life. Yet I know that's impossible. How can one girl cause so much pain? All I want is for this to end and to stop causing pain.

At this point I have only one option. And as I walk out the door I make a silent promise to myself to do what must be done.

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