The Fire Inside (Sebastian Vettel)

42. Running Scared

Checking into their hotel in Brazil two days later Emily still felt awful. She'd had the hangover from hell the day before, and still couldn't keep anything down.

Surprisingly, Seb had avoided a hangover, but he hadn't avoided the telling off he'd had from Emily. They'd fought over how he had spoken to Charles. Seb had admitted that maybe he'd been a bit harsh towards the younger man, who Emily confirmed had only been trying to help, but he refused point blank to apologise to the Monagasque.

Emily had given him the silent treatment on the flight down. He knew he had some serious making up to do. He'd do anything, apart from apologise to Charles.

As soon as they were in their room Seb opened the door onto the balcony to let some air in. Emily flopped onto the bed, exhausted.

"You still feeling bad?" Seb asked her. She nodded. Seb sat next to her and hugged her.

"Poor baby. Maybe try and eat something? You haven't really eaten for a few days."

Emily shook her head.

"Really have no appetite Seb. Can. I just have some water please?"

Seb looked in the minifridge and pulled out a bottle of mineral water. He handed it to Emily.

"Thank you," she said.

Seb was growing concerned. Her hangover should be gone by now. A thought suddenly hit him. This reminded him of Carla when she was expecting Leah. Surely Emily couldn't be pregnant? They'd always used condoms.

Then Seb remembered Singapore. Their drunken, rough sex. Definitely no condom involved. He felt a feeling of panic well up inside him. When had she last had her period? He couldn't remember. She'd started when they were in Russia. He counted back. Nearly 6 weeks ago. He was pretty sure she hadn't had one since, they'd had sex nearly every night!

He pondered this for the next couple of hours. He knew he was going to have to raise the subject with Emily, but didn't know how. After what she had told him about Jacob he knew it was going to be a sensitive subject.

He decided to have a quick shower. It was hot and sticky. As the cold water hit him he cursed.
What if she was pregnant? It was still such early days for them. They were still getting to know each other. And he had his girls to think of too. What the fuck had he been thinking, fucking her without protection? He hadn't been thinking at all, his dick had.

He dried himself off and pulled on a clean pair of boxers. He headed back into the bedroom. Emily was sat scrolling through her phone. That was encouraging. She hadn't picked it up since Sunday.

"You feeling any better liebling?"

" A little thanks," she answered, smiling weakly. He sat on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath.

"Emily, we need to talk." A worried frown appeared on her face.

"Seb? What is it?"

"Emily, you've been sick for a few days, and I was thinking. Emily, could you be pregnant? I counted back and I'm sure you were due your period in Austin."

Emily felt sick as she took in what he had said. She ran through dates in her head. He was right. She was nearly two weeks late! No, she couldn't be surely. No, not after Jacob. She couldn't risk losing another child. She jumped off of the bed and ran into the bathroom, puking up.

She felt Seb rubbing her back as she heaved and heaved. Finally she stopped and Seb pulled her into his arms.

"You're right. It never occurred to me as we always used protection." Seb knew he was going to have to tell her of his mistake. He stood up.

"Emily, there's something I need to tell you. In Singapore, before you told me about Jacob, I didn't use anything. I'm so sorry. It never even occurred to me until I realised you could be pregnant. Please, I am so, so sorry my darling."

Emily froze. He didn't use protection? Her period was late. She was sick. No, she couldn't do this. She stood up, and turned her back on him. She didn't trust herself to speak to him right at that moment.

She brushed her teeth and washed her face, before walking silently past him and climbing into bed. He followed her into the bedroom.

"Say something Emily. Even if it's to call me a bastard. Please don't ignore me." Silence.

He slipped into bed next to her and tried to take her in his arms.

"Don't touch me!"she spat.

"Emily, please. I love you. We can do this. I know we haven't been together long but we love each other. We will love this child. If you are pregnant."

"I don't want a baby Seb. Not now, maybe not ever! Do you even think about how I feel right now? I lost my son!! I don't want to risk losing another child! And to find out you fucked me without protection, well how could you Seb? How could you?" she cried at him.

"I'm so sorry," he pleaded, his eyes welling up.

"I'm just hoping and praying this is a false alarm."

"Is it really that terrible a thought, having my baby Emily?" he asked her.

"You really don't get it do you? I held Jacob in the palm of my hand. I didn't even get to know him. Now I may have to go through the fear of it happening again, all because you couldn't cover it up!"

Seb realised that he had fucked up big time. He realised that he had underestimated the scars the loss of Jacob had left her with.

"What can I do to make this right?" he asked her.

"Build a time machine. Failing that just pray that it's a false alarm."

"I'll go and get a test first thing."

"Yeah." He tried once again to put his arms around her. She moved away from him. He got out of bed and pulled his clothes on. Slipping his feet into his trainers he left their room, closing the door behind him.

Emily felt the tears spilling out of her eyes. She wasn't a heartless bitch. If she was pregnant she would love her child but she was terrified. She wasn't ready for this. She was so mad at Seb, but now she felt guilty for driving him away. She loved him so much. She picked up her phone and texted him.

Emily: I love you. I'm mad as hell, but I still love you. Always. X

A few minutes later her phone beeped with his reply.

Seb: I'll give you space. I'll stay with Antti tonight. I really am sorry. I love you too, so, so much. Xx

***

Emily was sitting out on the balcony drinking a cup of tea when Seb returned the following morning. He dropped a kiss on her head and she took his hand. She smiled at him.

He took the paper bag out of his back pocket and handed it to her.

"Let's find out. The sooner we know, the better," he said. "Do you want to be by yourself or do you want me with you?"

"Please stay with me. I'm so scared Seb."

"I know you are sweetheart. I'm with you every step of the way, whatever the outcome."

He followed her through to the bathroom. She opened the box and took the test out. After she had followed the instructions she placed the test on the side of the sink and set a timer on her phone for three minutes.

She fell into Seb's arms and he held her tight. It felt like the longest three minutes of her life. Finally, her alarm beeped. She switched it off and she picked up the test. Together they looked at it....