Pretty Boy~ H.Moskowitz

4

Class ended and I was waiting for my grandpa while the other kids packed up.
I stayed in my safe corner of the dojo, still in my gi and watching everyone talk to their friends.
I wouldn't say I was jealous of them, but I was.
I was jealous.
Jealous of the people that gossiped to their friends.
Jealous of the people that talked to their friends at the dojo.
⚠️ Cutt!ng
Jealous of the people that had a friend to comfort them when they are about to cut themselves and bleed all over the floors.
In 2017, I needed friends.
-
2017 events
I got home from school, crying because of the bullies at my school.
Sasha Wells, Kaitlyn Armstrong, Brenda Dominguez... were their names.
I ran to my room, not acknowledging my mother and father who were in the house. I plopped in my bed.
"You should kill yourself fatty!" Brenda yelled in my face.
"What's up with your outfit?"
"No one loves you bitch!"
The three girls' words replayed in my head as I laid in bed, letting tears stream down my face. I slowly sat up, the crying hasn't stopped yet. I ran around my room, throwing random things, screaming, breaking picture frames.
Oh shit, I broke my picture frame. The picture frame with me and my grandpa.
I picked up a piece of glass, and slowly put it up to my arm, without thinking... SLASH!
I cut myself. Blood dripped on the carpet.
After realization, I ran to the bathroom and cleaned up.
I need to fight back.
Fight back
Fight back.
I NEED TO FIGHT BACK
I grabbed my phone and dialed my grandpa Johns number.
"Hello?" Grandpa Kreese said over the phone.
"Teach me karate." I demanded.
-
END OF 2017 EVENTS
Now those same girls were scared of me.
Scared of who I became.
Scared of what I am capable of.

A tear slid down my face as I closed me eyes on the dojo, still in a corner as the students continued to pack up.
I let out a sniffle, making some people look at me.
When I realized the stares, I wiped the tears.
No weakness
Don't show it.
But I couldn't help it.
I let out another sniffle, looking down at my lap, holding back the tears that fell.
"Hey you ok?" A boy asked.
I looked to see the Mohawk boy. He had a look of sympathy.
"Y-yeah I-I'm fine." I chocked out, trying to hide my sobs.
He sat down next to me and pulled me in a hug, making me cry in his chest. I held onto him tightly, I needed this.
No one has ever comforted me like this.
Not my mom
Not my dad
Not my relatives
Only Hawk.
A boy who I met literally yesterday.

I pulled away from Hawk, with tears in my eyes and weak smile.
"T-thank you. I-I needed this." I chocked out.
"You want to talk about it?" Hawk asked in a whisper.
I look down at my lap. I never really opened up to someone. I keep my feelings to myself. And that makes all of my emotions turn to pure anger.
"Come on Amelia! We're leaving!" I heard Sensei Kreese yell from the office.
I sat up quickly, untangling myself from Hawk's arms.
"I- I- Bye Hawk." I said awkwardly, before running out of the dojo, waiting for my grandpa in the car.
I hated that I was showing weakness. I scolded myself.
What would my grandpa say?
My eyes were red and puffy from crying, my mind was racing, my chest was tightening, my breathing was heavy.
Just thinking about those events that happened years ago, still haunts me.
They tortured me every day.
Now I am the one doing the torturing.
And I don't regret anything.
...
Only one thing.
Not being nice enough to keep a steady relationship or friendship with anybody.
-
Me and my grandpa drove back home, I didn't look at him once. I didn't want him to see my crying. We both exited the car and I ran straight to my room.
I closed the door and sank into my fur blanket, before putting in my AirPods and listening to music.
-
I woke up to the sky a dark blue, did i fall asleep?
I closed the curtains, before walking out of my room. I met with grandpa John and we ate dinner.
We ordered Chinese food.
I ordered pork fried rice with fried dumplings.
Grandpa ordered Mei Fun.
"Is it good?" I asked with food in my mouth. He just nodded.
I looked back down at my food, why was this kind of awkward?
Eventually I finished, threw my stuff out, and went back to my depression hole I call my room.
I laid on my bed. I replayed the moments with Hawk and how he cared.
Then I thought about why I was crying, and the warm, tingly feeling quickly drained away, and now I was crying once again.