Fear sets in.
Sometimes it feels like there's no roof to contain the fear within. It grows and grows to be a boundless pit of unknown, unwanted and unfiltered anxieties. Assumptions and past experiences provide well researched reasoning and fear is born. While logic rushes in, trying to fight back with science and cold hard facts. Even when facts are presented, irrational fear is relentless. A fly you keep swatting away.With limitless resillience it keeps trying. Until it devours you to the core.
This battle I have fought countless times. Many of them lost, some of them won. Proud of what I have become, I set myself on a challenging path. I had to receive blows to the face, and body. I tried counters and defensive boxing, but the little, conceited knowledge I posses about battle was not enough. Knocked out again and again by the oscillation's tides. The ever changing oceans, fluctuating seas of feeling, where it's constantly storming.
But I kept rising.
The words flow around the thought path, circling around your brain, providing possibilities. Maybe learning to accept them, and eventually acknowledging they are not real is the strategy to overcome them.
But still the fear attacks. Overwhelming, from every angle, darkness approaching as tears well up. The oscillation holds close and confuses the dark soul, mixing feelings with thoughts. Science and paranoia combine. Suddenly lost. Abandoned. Alone. Left in the fog, holding hands that kept the dark soul warm, leave it's hands cold, left to atone. For what? It really didn't know. It hurt a lot though. Understanding not many are able to bear the weight of the condition, some may leave after a couple bouts of anger, not many understand how it feels to be a disaster.
But now the only option is to move forward with resillience, as the other one is to die sooner. The paths look greener every day though, even if covered in wounds of previous battles.
But fear still maintains those possibilities in my field of vision, overwhelming me with paranoia.
I'm just better at fighting it now.
