Warning : self-harm
(Ruki's POV)
Everyone ignores me...
And it hurts...
Don't ignore me... Please?
Because I'm here...
I'm existing just like you...
It's just that... My presense is barely noticeable...
It's just that... My pain is barely noticeable...
I'm... We... We could talk about anything that you want...
Do anything that you want...
Just please... I beg you...
Stay...
Anyone... Someone...
Please... don't ignore me...
Because it hurts here...
...here... In my chest...
One cannot last that long without any human interaction...
...without feeling love.
And I'm at my limit...
I'm losing my mind already...
Someone... Anyone...
I beg you... assure me..
Even if its a lie...
Even if you don't truly care...
Assure me that I deserve to live... To be loved...
That you want to see me again...
The next morning...
And the rest of the mornings in my life....
Alive...
Well...
And was breathing the same air you breathed...
Assure me that I'm worth it...
That you care about me...
I don't care if its a lie...
I'm too desperate to bother...
...Too desperate to be noticed...
Because if people would just keep ignoring me and my bleeding heart...
I might as well kill my self...
And fall asleep...
So deep...
I'll never wake up...
I bet nothing will change with your life...
I'm just someone that you've never known, after all..
No one will even bother looking for me...
Neither would they visit my grave once I'm gone...
I'm still alive but I've never existed, anyway...
I have a name... But no one knows it...
I have a face... But no one would remember how it looks...
I bet, you won't even regret not reaching for me when I'm holding my hands out...
No one would bother wiping my invisible tears...
... Even if the stain remains clearly...
No one will hear my cries and hush me tenderly...
They'll only notice me briefly when the red stains my skin...
But then, they'll only ignore me harsher afterwards...
I might as well pull on a show ...
And bathed myself with elegant red...
"I'm lonely... I feel so alone... Someone... Talk me out of this, please? I beg you... I don't want to do this..."
A moment of hesitation as I begged to no one in particular...
Which makes me realize how lonely and insignificant I truly was...
They can see me...
They saw me crying and desperate... I'm sure.
But no one would bother to come to me when I needed them...
No one would come and wipe my tears away...
...nor anyone would try to fix my mangled heart that bleeds pathetically...
Its better to ignore me than deal with my bullshits, anyway...
Well... The last bullshit they'll ever have to deal from me was...
... My corpse bathing in my own blood...
I'm not going to bother anyone with my existence anymore...
They won't need to put their huge efforts in ignoring me anymore...
I still have a lot of things that I want to do with my life...
I still wish to be happy..
But watching the blade cut to my flesh deeply...
'At least... The pain would disappear...' My constant thought that encourages me to make more fatal cuts on my scarred, pale skin...
Well, at least, I won't feel bad about the constant rejection in my life any more once I'm dead...
Even though... I love to live...
"Good... Bye..."
I smiled... Feeling the weight of death suffocating me...
I smiled...
... As I pretend to see someone smiling back to me and bid me a sweet farewell...
I kept on smiling...
... As I pretend that someone was hugging me lovingly and assures me that everything will be alright...
That someone was holding me dearly in their warmth as they lull me to a calm deep sleep...
Even though, I'm feeling so cold ...
So cold... And so lonely...
I can still pretend that someone is there to keep me warm...
... as I slowly lose my consciousness...
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
A/N : So many spaces and periods !!!
Anyway... I was really emotional when I had written this a long time ago and I had just seen it again and decided to post it because... Why not?
~ Kim-chan
