Love, My Hell Life

A DIFFICULT RETURN HOME

CHAPTER 9

A DIFFICULT RETURN HOME

Abigail fights against the passing of time. She wonders: "How can I ask Chronos to wake me up where he wants me to be?" Why? Would he choose the heart or the reason? Is it love or an affect of habit?

She tries to keep herself busy to avoid dwelling on her worries. She decides to iron the clean linen. Her motivation is close to zero when she sees Rowan's "professional" shirts.

She feels free in her mind and heart, but a slave in her own life. The housework is shoddily done but she doesn't care. She puts the linen in a basket that she buries in the depths of her room.

She's already taken the leap from her married life to the one that is to come, one she can't name yet.

She thinks that maybe she went too fast though. Surely, she can't abandon a whole life, husband and kids, just because the routine has set in. The passion in her marriage is gone but is she sure that all the love is lost too?

Her answer is irrevocable: YES.

Abigail has been the caretaker of their relationship for too long; she's dealt with everything single-handedly. This time is over now.

She turns the TV off, closes the door and jumps in her car.

She's still confused and doesn't realize she's in reverse gear. She bumps into the car behind hers when she accelerates

It's Abigail's first accident since she got her license. Her head knocked against the headrest and she's a bit stunned. She looks around and checks if anybody has seen her. No? Good, she drives off quickly.

At least it had the virtue of putting things to right and of getting her out of her comatosed state.

The radio switched itself on from shock of the impact. Natalie Taylor is singing Surrender. The lyrics go through her heart, and deep into her soul.

She parks up a bit further between two cars. She needs to listen to the song, which sparks off a kind of visceral truth in her.

We let the waters rise
We drifted to survive
I needed you to stay
But I let you drift away

My love, where are you?
My love, where are you?

Whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready
Whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready
Can we? Can we surrender?
Can we? Can we surrender?
I surrender

No one will win this time
I just want you back
I'm running to your side
Flying my white flag, my white flag

My love, where are you?
My love ...

These lyrics are life-saving for Abigail.

She calls Renni:

- Hello, it's Abigail. Listen, I can't explain why but I've received a sign from destiny. I've made up my mind: I'm coming. You heard me correctly; I'll live with you. Let me tell my children first.

- Hey! Are you sure? I'm happy of course. You say you'll tell your children, but what about your husband?

- Shit! See, I had already forgotten him! Of course, I'll tell him too. It won't be a piece of cake but I can't live without you anymore.

- I love you, darling. I love you.

On that parting note, they say goodbye and hang up, their soppy hearts soft and fluffy like marshmallows.