Love, My Hell Life

LOVE? WHO?

CHAPTER 13

LOVE? WHO?

Abigail stands in front of her former house. She's surprised to see Rowan and the girls waiting for her outside.

Rowan greets her:

- Hello! I'd rather you didn't come in. You've decided this isn't your home anymore, so you can't rock up when you like and pretend nothing's happened. Joe and Cayla need stability. I respect your decision so please accept mine too. I'll put up Christmas decorations and use it as an opportunity to make the house a little bit ours by removing some pictures of you. You can come to see the girls when you want, but I don't want you to stay here; wherever you want, but not here. I'm glad you thought about Christmas presents for the girls. They haven't stopped asking about it. When do you think you'll be back? I just want to make sure I'll be here.

Abigail takes in Rowan's distance and coldness. She didn't expect it at all. In fact, she intended to go shopping and then spend some time with her daughters in the apartment. Rowan's statement hurts her, but what can you, you reap what you sow.

Rowan is already thinking about changing the decoration and removing her presence from the flat. How quickly he's accepted everything, she thinks. Abigail pretends she's fine, but a mixture of pride, ego, feelings and emotions pierces through her heart. Tears well up in her eyes and she dries them off quickly with the sleeve of her coat.

- That's fine, I understand. I'll bring them back around 5.30pm. We'll have a snack at Smoothie Smile. I couldn't miss the Christmas presents this year. I know what I did to you, my harshness and the shock it's been for all of you. I know I should have communicated more and that I didn't give you any choice. I've been selfish, but I don't want to be a bad person, especially a bad mother.

The girls tell their mother:

- Mummy, we love you, and Dad does too. Please come back.

Abigail stays quiet. She asks the girls to jump into the car and doesn't utter a word. What more is there to say? She tells the girls she knows they still love her, that she still loves Rowan too and that nothing prevents a mum from loving her children ...

It's important for her to put things to right and try to straighten up her shaky life.

The day goes by. The girls enjoy picking out things they like. They have fun as they eat their snack, laughing complicity as mothers and daughters do.

Abigail feels a lump in her throat and an ache in her stomach as she drives the girls back home. She promises she'll be back soon. Rowan informs her that he's signed the papers for their divorce. He doesn't want any scenes or conflict. He tells her he still loves her; she's the mother of his children and will always be so. He wants to protect his daughters. He says that all this was to be expected in the end. She's changed so much. He denied it because of love, but he has come to his senses since her departure.

Abigail thanks him. She wishes the girls a merry Christmas, gives them a kiss and a hug, and leaves. She starts crying as she drives off. She feels totally lost. Rowan seemed so perfect, so charming, so understanding and gentle ... And the girls, so ...! She wonders why she's doing this, why she went so fast, why so many things are happening to her in such a short time ... Why so much hurt? She thinks of Renni, of Susan ...

Abigail recalls Susan's words, her voice, her skin, her hair, her eyes and her mouth ... She shudders and has goose bumps: she wants her so badly!