My Best Friends Mate

Chapter Ten- Not yet

Kiara's POV
After our brief interlude in the swimming hole, Dustin, Ryan and I began to make our way back to the
packhouse. Ryan and Dustin talked amongst themselves about training on Monday and trying out new
techniques and strategies. I stayed quiet taking in the entire area around me, the sounds, the sights, the
smells. I would be turning 18 in a week and Id be getting my wolf. Dustin interrupted my deep thought
when he asked where id learned my aquatic "talents" as he called them and laughed.
"from JoAnna actually." I said, hoping not to get into it. They were silent for a second. Trying to break
the awkwardness, I said "shes a very good swimmer and sometimes I think she lost to me on purpose"
then I laughed thinking back to all our races.
"Think you could come to training Monday and help us out in the water. That's one technique we
haven't tried yet" Ryan interrupted just looking straight ahead. "sure" I said as I glimpsed at him from
the corner of my eye. He may have given up the alpha position to Markus but he couldn't give up that
alpha aura about him. Tall, strong, demanding respect. We finally made it back. Dustin and Ryan
dropped me off at my cabin before going their separate ways. I had fun today. One more week until my
birthday I thought. I was nervous. It had only been about an hour when I heard a knock on my door. I
opened to see Ryan again, standing there looking nervous. It took me by surprise. Confident sometimes
cocky Ryan nervous around the little girl he used to tease.
"hey" I said softly.
"Hey.. I just wanted to apologize for what happened today"
"Since when do you apologize for kissing girls?" I retorted. He turned his head and smile but when his
gaze returned to me, he looked serious and studying me.
"Youre not just any girl Kiara, Ive known you since you were little and youre one of my best friends little
sister. I broke the bro code in so many ways today."
I didn't know what to say. Hes right, we've known each other for a long time. He could see straight
through my bs and I could his. His apology was genuine and I knew he was feeling guilty for what he felt
was betraying my brother.
"Listen Ryan, Dustin knows you'd never hurt me.." but before I could finish he interrupted me.its not just dustin, Kiara.. can I come in?"
I stepped away from the door, signaling for him to come inside. Other than my bed, there was a desk
with a chair across the room. Ryan stood there in the middle of my cabin looking around. His broad back
and black hair facing me.
"yours looks similar to mine" he said before sitting down on the bed. I sat down on the other side.
"Why don't you live in the pack house" I asked.
"I like my privacy he shrugged and honestly I don't want to feel like I have a position worthy of staying at
the pack house. Hell I don't WANT a position that warrants me staying there" He was serious but I found
this so comical. Ryan was a born alpha and the natural heir to the silver moon pack. He was also one of
our packs greatest warriors, occupying a slot in our special forces unit. This seemed like a good time to
ask.
"Ryan, why did you give up Alpha to Markus?"
He turned to face me. "I don't want to be Alpha" as if it was so simple
"but why?" then I heard him sigh.
"I guess...it has a lot to do with our war with the hunters all those years ago. I also went through a phase
where I didn't know who I was and if I was just following through with what I was expected to be. Kiara,
your parents and many others died in that war. Your mother died protecting my mother when she was
pregnant with my little sister. As an Alpha we have a responsibility to protect our pack. Yes, casualties
happen but seeing the people I was close to, Dustin and even you, so young, experience that hurt and I
wasn't able to do anything about it. I saw how it affected my father. I saw him double down on me with
his expectations. I knew he was just wanting me to be better but I felt like I lost myself. I was being so
consumed by being an Alpha. So that's when I began traveling. I traveled all over the United States. Now
I see I was just running. When I heard about the redwood pack wanting the silver moon special ops to
train their warriors it felt right. I asked Dustin to help and well, you know the rest "
I could understand it. It stung hearing about it all., When the hunters attacked, aligned with an enemy
pack, my father fought with Ryans father, Alpha Wyatt. My mother was in the middle of fighting when
she saw hunters overtaking the compound. She went to protect her Luna who was on bedrest with Ryan
and Markus's little sister. Our Luna was strong and with her Luna powers, she was a force to be
reckoned with but she was small in stature. Having the twins was hard on her body. The placenta
detached with them and they almost died. When she became pregnant again, the doctor put her on bed
rest. That pregnancy really took a toll on her but she was determined to have that baby. A hunter found
her and my mother took the bullet for her while attacking and finally killing the hunter that came for
her. With her last bit of strength, she carried the Luna to a secret room. The Luna would end up
miscarrying the little girl the week later. My father would also end up being killed with multiple silver
bullets.
This explained why Ryan left. He was running away from it all. The expectation to be something he was
sure he could be. Running away from hurtful memories. Ryan could be the Alpha though. We all knew it
and we were all a little disappointed when he told Alpha Wyatt Markus could have it. We all naturally followed Ryan. He was destined to become this. I put my hand on his and we sat there in silence for a
moment, both of just looking at our hands.
"Ryan.. if it means anything. I don't blame you or the pack for our losses. No one does. I also don't
expect you to be anything you don't WANT to be and know that whatever it is you choose, Ill still follow
you, because I respect you and trust you. Please know that Im here for you. Your burdens are my
burdens and your triumphs are my triumphs" With that he I laced my fingers through his and rested my
head on his shoulder.
"You know you're definitely not 12 anymore" He said looking at my ceiling.
I laughed. "no, no im not."
Then he turned me and said "actually, last time I checked you have a birthday next week"
"ahh you remembered my birthday?" I teased him.
"Yeah like I could forget. My parents always dragged me to your birthday parties as a kid. How much
unicorns and my little pony stuff can one wolf take?!"
I went to push him away but he grabbed me and pulled me closer so that my forehead was resting on
his again.
"Like I said earlier Kiara, this isn't about Dustin"
Snap back to reality Kiara.
"I know what happened with Tyler and Jo"
I didn't break my stare. I knew what he was going to say but I think I needed him to say it out loud
"I don't want to hurt you like that. I don't want to hurt myself like that. I don't want either of us to
develop feelings for one another then find our mates." He said with a profoundly serious tone and look
on his face.
I took a deep breath. "Youre right" I said. He wouldn't even look at me.
"Im not your mate"
"I don't know Kiara." And he stood up running his fingers through his hair. He turned to me and leaned
over me, his face in front of mine and his arms resting on my bed.
"Kiara.. I feel something with you that ive never felt for any woman. I don't know what it is but ive been
having these dreams"
My eyes widened. I interrupted. "wait, you've been having dreams too?"
He stepped away, surprised. "you've had dreams about the moon goddess"
"yeah I said, last night. I saw you in a field of tall grass holding a baby and smiling. The moon goddess
behind me. I went to reach for you and you disappeared as if you were dust being blown away in the
wind" I told him all this calmly but deep down I was a little freaked out. "I had mine last night too" he said still standing "I saw you with a baby in the same open field but you
were being attacked. The moon goddess was there. I looked at her but when I went to look back at you,
you were gone. The mood goddess told that everything will be revealed in due time. Since you arrived
though, Ive been hearing her voice even while im awake. I just keep hearing her say not yet"
"what does that all mean?" I looked up at him.
"I don't know.. but Kiara.. I just don't want to hurt you. I don't feel this mate bond but I also don't feel
like this is just some attraction to you either. Its like something inside of me compels me to be around
you, protect you..... feel for you. How do you feel for someone who you're fairly sure isn't your mate?
What happens when we find our mates?"
At this point im pissed. The people I love and care for being taken from my life. My parents, my brother,
my ex boyfriend and freaking best friend and now Ryan who lets face it, I had fallen for in the past week,
who I'd been attracted to my entire life. It could've been anybody but it had to be Ryan, someone I had
history with, my brothers best friend and the natural born Alpha of my pack. I stood up angry.
"Fine" I said reverting to being serious, calculated and like the fighter I was trained to be. "then don't
have feelings for me Ryan. Youre right, we aren't mates but we aren't just friends either. Shut them off,
the feelings. Flip the switch. l'll be leaving after my birthday and we can forget this happened" I was
angry, hurt, disappointed and confused but I wouldn't show it and I wouldn't let any of this make me
weak. In true Ryan fashion, he walked up to me, grabbed my hand in his and told me he was sorry. He
could see through my bullshit and he was trying to protect me, but I could see through his too and what
he just did was not what he wanted to do. Then he walked through the door. That night I stayed in the
shower a little longer, hoping the water would wash all the hurt away.

(music recommendation: Jason Walker "down")