Just Once - A Peterick Fic

Chapter 34

        After the show that night, Pete disappeared. None of us saw him after he put up his equipment or in the dressing rooms afterwards. It was like he had vanished into thin air and I couldn't help but worry about where he'd gone. His history when bad things happened only caused me to panic more.

        I'd caused him to run off, practically chased him off, and the guilt weighed me down as if I had an anchor chained to my ankle that I had to drag with me everywhere I went. My only hope at this point was that he was safe, that he hadn't gone and gotten himself into a dangerous situation because he'd been stupid. I didn't think he'd ever come back to me, be my boyfriend again, but his safety was more important to me than our relationship.

        "When's the bus taking off for Vegas?" I heard Joe ask, the question directed more at the space around him than any person in particular. We were still backstage, gathering all of our stuff before heading back onto the bus for the night. I hoped Pete would show up soon, but I had an awful feeling in my gut that he wouldn't.

        "Not until morning. I think around 7 or so," someone replied, but I wasn't sure who. It was voice that I knew was familiar, but I couldn't quite identify.

        It was another half an hour or so before we left the venue, a few fans waiting outside for us. There weren't many, 10 at most, and they all looked to be teenage girls. We stopped to sign a few things, chat for a bit because it was hard not to when I knew they had waited outside for us.

        One of them, a tall brunette whose name I didn't quite catch, asked me a question that made me wonder. "Hey, Patrick, are you okay? You seem a little...out of it," she'd said, and I could tell those last three words weren't exactly what she'd wanted to say, but she didn't want to cross a line, either.

        If a fan who'd never met me could tell something was wrong, it must've been pretty obvious. I deserved the weight hanging on my shoulders, but I didn't want to worry the fans. I wondered if the guilt hung on my features like cobwebs, aging me as if I'd been stuck motionless in an attic for years and glaring out at anyone who dared glance my way to let them know what I'd done, that I was a cheater. Maybe I deserved a scarlet letter all my own, to let the world know how much I'd hurt the man I loved, or maybe the guilt on my features was just as obvious as a large red A.

        Another one asked Joe where Pete was and I heard him make up some lie about how he was on the phone with his mom. Saying he'd run off would've been an awful idea, would've caused a panic (a/n: at the disco) and that was the last thing we needed right now.

        As I climbed the stairs to the bus after talking with the fans, I couldn't help but hope I would find Pete sitting on the couch or lying in his bunk despite the fact that I knew he wouldn't be. I couldn't describe how worried I was about him.

        Joe and Andy were talking, probably discussing going to bed pretty soon as I sprawled myself across the couch, exhausted not only from playing a show, but from worrying. Stressing myself out really was a taxing activity and I realized it in that moment, but I couldn't stop. Maybe I should try calling him although I doubt he'd answer.

        "Hey Patrick," Joe started, standing with Andy in the doorway to the bunks and holding his hand. "We're headed to bed. Don't stay up all night worrying about Pete. He'll find his way back. Goodnight." He seemed to sigh the words out rather than speak them, knowing I would anyway but feeling obligated to tell me not to.

        "Can't promise anything," I shot back. Before speaking again, I lowered my voice so I was the only one who could hear it. "Can't even promise to stay faithful, evidently." That thought pushed me over an edge I didn't quite realize I was near, my voice cracking on the last word and a tear falling silently in the next moment. I guess Andy and Joe had left in just the right moment. God, I'm a mess, a toxic mess that only seems to destroy whatever lies in my path, my relationship with Pete included.