Just Once - A Peterick Fic

Chapter 37

It had been over a month - closer to a month and a half - since Pete and I decided a break would be best for the two of us. Tonight is the last show of our tour and everyone seemed to be in high spirits because of that. Well, maybe everyone except Pete and I. Our situation was taking a toll on the both of us, but we'd been pretty good about not being too awkward around each other, especially on stage.

Around Gabe, however, Pete was nothing if not hostile. This had completely destroyed his and Pete's friendship and I only added that to the list of things I felt bad about lately, only added to the weight I felt like I was carrying around on my back as if I were a mule. I kept telling myself that all of this would eventually repair itself and we'd all go back to normal, but that didn't seem to be the case quite yet. However, I repeated the lie in my head like a mantra as if that would make it eventually come true.

On the other hand, Andy and Joe were doing great. Their relationship was flourishing and they couldn't be happier together. They were the very definition of cute and couple-ey.

They made me sick.

I couldn't stand to be around the two of them when they were together because I knew Pete and I had been exactly like that and it only made me miss our intimacy. The closest we've been since we fell apart is on stage when all of the problems between us seemed to dissipate and he was back to leaning his head on my shoulder, pushing himself uncomfortably close, and just generally acting like an annoying girlfriend.

It was a good annoying, though; it's exactly the kind of annoying I had been missing so much on this tour. I didn't think I'd ever get him back, though, not at the rate we're going now. Which, I guess I deserve it, but god, do I miss him and everything about him - even the parts that used to drive me crazy.

"On in 5!" a stagehand called to the four of us standing just off to the side, instruments already in hand, earpieces falling down onto our shoulders. Pete was sitting on one of the gearboxes, doing something on his phone in which he was completely absorbed. Andy was having a conversation with one of the sound guys, talking about who knows what.

Joe glanced between Pete and I, examining the distance that seemed larger and larger with each passing second. Even if he'd been standing right next to me, he would still feel a million miles away and that was my fault.

"So what's the latest on you two?" he asked me after a moment, seeming genuinely interested. I couldn't help but wish he hadn't asked, though, because I really had no clue.

I laughed a little, shaking my head. "Absolutely no idea," I told him, glancing over at the other man in question.

Joe raised an eyebrow, shooting me a doubtful look.

"I mean, he hardly even talks to me. I have no idea what he's thinking," I admitted and it felt a bit like high school, gossiping about boys all over again. Except this time it really meant something.

Joe hesitated a moment, seeming to study Pete's features from across the room. "I think he wants to forgive you. He's just hurt," he told me, shrugging a little as if he didn't want me to take it words too seriously because maybe he didn't believe them himself.

I want to think he's right, but that is not the kind of vibe I get from Pete most of the time. "I don't know," I told Joe, not disagreeing or agreeing because that seemed like the easiest approach, "I hope that's it."

He opened his mouth to respond but that's when we were given the cue to head out on stage and he was cut off. Maybe I'll try to get Pete to talk to me tonight after the show, figure out what's going on in that head of his. Joe's idea seems like a best-case scenario, though, and this situation doesn't seem too best-case to me.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Pete?" I spoke up while in our dressing room that night after the show. We were gathering our stuff up to pack back onto the buses and take home. We were leaving at midnight and should be back home in Chicago by early morning. Personally, I couldn't wait to sleep in a real bed and get some of my alone time back. Plus, maybe some time away from Pete would be a good thing.

He grunted in response like he didn't want to talk but didn't want to put forth the effort of pretending to not have heard me.

"What're you thinking?" I asked, deciding straightforward was the best course of action. It always seemed to be the best idea with Pete; he was never one to beat around the bush too much. "I mean, in regards to you and me."

He shrugged, grabbing a shirt and throwing it into his suitcase, refusing to look at me. "I don't know," he mumbled, closed off and tired, the latter probably not as severe as he was pretending.

I sighed, feeling like I was talking to a wall and started to pack up my own shit. "No idea? Not even a guesstimation?" I asked, a hint of frustration leaking into my tone. I guess I didn't have any right to be frustrated; I cheated on him and he was still healing, but I've never been the most patient person.

He sighed then too, finally looking up to meet my gaze. He held it a moment before speaking, his tone frank and near exhaustion as if he'd stayed up way too late on way too many occasions rolling thoughts about this subject around in his head. "Patrick, you hurt me. I'm just not sure what to think right now because I used to trusted you more than anyone and now I don't feel like I can. I need space and now that this tour's over, I might be able to figure some shit out. Just stop breathing down my neck."

A/N: So yes, I'm aware of how overtly late this is and I'm sorry, but I'm kinda getting bored with writing this fic so I'm trying to wrap it all up. I have the last chapter written already and I'm just trying to get the plot to the point. I'm kinda thinking 40-ish chapters and I thought about just not continuing to write and marking it discontinued but I feel like I owe you guys a proper ending. I have more projects planned after I finally finish this up and I've already started writing on one of them. So I guess this is just my heads up to you guys that this is almost over.

As for my upcoming projects, I don't know if I'll do another fic of this size, but I'm working on several shorter stories. The one I've put the most focus into is a college Peterick AU and idk how long it'll be, but it's over 5k words right now and I'm not finished. But anyways, I've got lots of ideas and I've been spending a lot of time writing and really working to improve, just not on this. I'm also trying to move more of my work onto Archive of Our Own, so if you have an account on there, let me know. I'm trohmoan on there.

Sorry for the long author's note.