Just Once - A Peterick Fic

Chapter 13

        "I promise," he agreed, returning the smile.

        I made my way over to one of the chairs and sat down as Pete grabbed the chair that sat in front of his vanity and spun it around before sitting on it backwards.

        "So what's up?" I asked even though I already knew what he wanted to talk about: the same thing I did.

        He folded his arms and rested them on the back of his chair, propping his chin on top of that. He just stared at me for a moment as if memorizing my features before finally speaking, although not answering my question. "You're gorgeous."

        I blushed, smiling, and saying, "Pete, that was the gayest thing you've ever said."

        He laughed too then, his eyes never leaving my face. It was moments like these I cherished: when things felt right between us; when we could laugh and joke; when the stupidest jokes could feel as intimate as exchanging secrets.

        "I am pretty gay, though, so I guess it's fitting," he shot back, smiling still.

        "You're just the right amount of gay," I told him, my curved lips a mirror of his.

        "You can't honestly say my wildly gay fantasies about you," he said, standing up and making his way over to me, "Aren't a bit much at times." He sat down on my lap, straddling me, his hands brushing across my face before winding up in my hair.

        "Maybe that makes me a little too gay also, then," I said, my eyes locked with his as I moved my hands to rest on the tops of his thighs. I had a feeling I was wrong in thinking he wanted to talk.

        "Perfect," he said before crashing his lips into mine, quickly transitioning from some soft and gentle to rough and hungry. His hands ran through my hair, gripping and pulling at it. My hands squeezed his thighs tightly, rubbing across them.

        I was enjoying it but I didn't want to. You're mad at him, remember? You need to talk to him, not fuck him. Because of that, I gently pushed him away, both of us breathing heavily.

        A confused and slightly disappointed look crossed his features, asking for an explanation.

        "Pete, we need to actually talk," I told him, answering his unasked question.

        He sighed, standing up. "I know," he said as he made his way back to where he'd been sitting before. "It's just not a conversation I necessarily want to have."

        "Me either, buts it's worse with it hanging over our heads," I told him, my voice tired, "I dread these tense conversations as much as you do and it seems like we've had quite a few of them lately."

        "Way too many if you ask me," he said in agreement, sighing and forcing out a small laugh.

        Silence settled over us for what seemed like the millionth time, just watching the other person's features, trying to pick out what we wanted to say without actually saying it for fear it might be too difficult. It seemed like a legitimate fear, to me at least. Most of what we said to each other had been difficult lately, either in the way that we didn't way to say it or didn't know how. Needless to say, I just wanted it to be easy between us again, if that was even possible. At this point, I wasn't so sure.

        "I'm sorry, Patrick," Pete told me again, just like he had the last time. He did sound like he meant it, though. "For just generally being a dick and treating you like shit."

        I nodded, basically just agreeing with the fact that he'd been a bit of a dick. "I want to forgive you. I want to be with you again but I don't want you to pull another stunt like that," I told him, my tone almost sounding like I were warning him not to try it again. "Because if you do, I won't want to forgive you. I will not let you toy with me."

        "My intention wasn't to toy with you," he told me, looking almost hurt. "I was terrified and you know my logic doesn't always make sense. I'm full of stupid decisions. I know I'm bad news."

        "You can't use that as an excuse, Pete. You're an adult; maybe you should start acting like it.," I said, my words harsh, sharp enough to slice through skin with one swift swipe. I hadn't intended for the conversation to go this way at all. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I just want things to be good between us again. Right now, it didn't feel like this conversation was going to fix anything as much as I wanted it to.

        His expression was a mix of hurt and shock, with well-disguised anger lurking just below the surface. If I didn't know him as well as I do, I wouldn't have seen it at all. The left corner of his mouth tilted downwards, just slightly, as if it were half of a minuscule frown and the right side never got the memo. At times, I found it to be endearing; this was not one of those times.

        "I'm trying my hardest here, and just hoping it'll be anywhere near enough for things to be good between us again," he told me, his tone matter-of-fact, obviously working to keep his voice even.

        "I-I don't know if it is," I admitted, my gaze locked onto the floor, my voice hardly audible. It wasn't something I wanted to accept, and less of something I wanted to say but words seemed to just fall out of my mouth right now. I needed a way to catch them before they hit Pete but a method wasn't coming to me. Here I go, fucking up again. Great.

        "Then what's that going to mean for us?" he asked after several moments of thoughtful silence, matching my tone. It was as if it took a while for what I said to actually sink in and once it did, he wished it hadn't.

        "I don't know," I admitted, shaking my head although I was still unable to look at him. I feared it would be too painful, too difficult, to say these things and watch the expressions cross his face. Maybe that was a sign I shouldn't be saying them, but again, it was like I couldn't stop myself.

        "Then maybe we should figure it out before we do any more damage," he suggested, shrugging slightly. He sounded tired, but as if he wanted to be hopeful, wanted to believe we'd be friends again, if not together ever.

        He sighed, looking up at me and just staring for a moment. I could feel his gaze on me for a prolonged amount of time, which caused me to glance up at him. When I did so, he smirked just slightly, hardly even noticeably, as if that was exactly what he'd wanted me to do.

        When he spoke a moment later, it sounded like what he was saying was a burden, like he almost wished it weren't true. "I love you Patrick. More than you'll ever know," he told me, standing up and making his way over to the door. Standing in the doorway, he looked back at me, adding to what he'd just said. "I just wish that was enough." 

        With that, he left the room, closing the door behind him and leaving me with scrambled thoughts.

A/N: So I know this is super late but I've been crazy busy and then writer's block on top of that didn't help. I'm not entirely sure where this story is going at the moment, so while I figure that out, updates might be a little sporadic. Plus, last week all my teachers decided they were all going to give me mounds of homework so that didn't help. Anyways, you don't want to hear my excuses. Sorry, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.