Survival

Part 13

Can we please talk about

For a second

About the fact that

Girls and women of any ages are harassed every minute that goes? Can we please talk about the fact that they are not isolated cases? Can we please talk about the fact that if it really is some sick individuals then the proportion of sick people is bigger than the one of sane people?

Can we please talk about that for a second? We would save the life and the mental sanity of millions of women that fight every day against their demons because of bastards that thought they had the right to abuse victims' body without their consent.

Can we please talk about the fact that other than being harassed, they also manipulate us? Can The message in Italian. I still remember it. 'Volete farvi delle domande per conoscervi?'. It said that. He wanted to say: do you want to ask questions to know each other, but, you know, google translate does not help in some circumstances.

I believed in that. I believed that something could have happen. In addition to the damage, the mockery, you say like this. I am happy now. A faded hope saved me from a tragic end.

The truth is that it is hard to love. Specially to love the wrong person. Especially someone that loved too much and now cannot trust anymore. Especially someone that was harassed and abused.

I do not know how I would feel to have a crush in this moment. It is something I cannot control, of course. But probably, I would not trust. Everything that will happen, I will always be afraid that everything could end up the same way as the last ones.

I am knowing a boy. I do not know what will happen between us. I just know that he is amazing, kind as few. I like talking to him. It makes me feel good. I do not know if I will like him in the future, if we will be great friends, if we will just know each other.

I just know that I want him in my life. Whatever our relationship will be, I want him in my life. He just has a weakness. A small, insignificant weakness. Buti t is not his fault. Neither mine. It is always my harassers' fault.

He is a biker as well.

I discovered I developed an extremely big phobia for bikers and bikes. I had already known, in some way. But I thought everything would have been gone when I would be back home. I was wrong. I was very wrong.

Today I came closer to his bike. For the first time. We have been talking for months. I knew he had a bike. But I have never been that close to it. Never that close to see it in every single detail.

My anxiety went wild. My paranoids invaded my mind. Flashbacks of my harassers, of what happened, blocked my idea to be happy. This phobia will block me.

But I do not want to. I would risk my mental sanity for him, well, because I really hope to lose this phobia. I am quite sure he may help me, unconsciously, to fight my fear.

I still did not tell him what happened. I will not talk to him about that so fast. I will tell him. I trust him. I feel well when I talk to him. I want to be honest with him, just, not now. I do not want to ruin everything from the beginning.