His Last Song- "Ji'de Tas Anse"

Chapter Nine 9.1

2:00 p.m.

I don't remember what happened after that. It was as though I blacked out, but my body was still going.

I don't even know why I reacted like that. I shouldn't have reacted like that.

I know a lot happened all at once, but wasn't I the one who brought it on? Why would I react like that when I knew what I was getting into?

I sit on the bed as I rub my nose, I still feel lingering feelings but for some reason they're both that strong. I know what happened, but don't feel as connected to it now.

I should probably apologize to Mal-Chin and Song and the others... Would that even do anything? Do they even want to see me right now? I should still apologize, shouldn't I?

I get off the bed then go to leave, I go to open the door but it opens before I can touch the handle. Song, or Mal-Chin or whoever else, stands at the other side of the door.

...Suddenly, I feel like I can't do this. The feelings from earlier are sinking in again. Are they only coming out when they're around?

"S-s-sorry," I say quietly as I move from in front of the door.

They sigh then they walk into the room and close the door.

They sit on the bed and scratch their forearm, "It's an apocalypse...we don't have time to sit and mope. Adrian wants to leave as soon as possible and we can't do that if we have ill feelings toward one another."

"...I d-don't have...ill feelings."

"...I don't either."

"I just... I'm-I'm-I'm sorry for...all that. It was f-f-foolish of me."

"You were trying to help."

"Help's no-nothing if you don't know...h-how to do it."

They sigh as they lean back on their hands.

"You helped...helped me a lot an-and I don't even kn-know how to help you," I say as I wipe my eyes. "It's...cr-cr-crushing."

"You've helped me more, way more than you know," Song says. "And if one mess up was to dictate you as a person then I, and all the others, would be quite a terrible person from what we did in the past..."

"I... I just... I have a lot of f-feelings right now and it-it's...m-m-messing up my mind. I shouldn't be-be crying like this s-s-since I brought this upon myself. I feel t-terrible."

He comes over to me and pulls me into a hug. I sob as I pull him into me, he holds me tighter as he rests his head on my shoulder.

"It's just something that's happened, Itsuki," he says. "Don't hold onto it too much. You're fine in the way you're feeling. There's no set way to feel. Just...feel."

"I'm s-s-sorry..."

"I am too," Mal-Chin says. "We can come to a mutual agreement that we both messed up, eh?"

"You d-didn't do anything...wr-wr-wrong, you were just responding to h-how I was treating you."

"And you were responding to how I was treating you," he says. "They're interactions, Tiny; you have them with people every day. No need to get too hurt over them."

"What matters is how we move forward," Song says as he pulls away.

I nod as I wipe my eyes. "Yes... Th-that does make sense."