ᵒⁿᵉ 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 ⁿᵉʷᵗᵐᵃˢ ᵃᵘ (ᶜᵒᵐᵖˡᵉᵗᵉᵈ)

convincing yourself

He was his best friend. That's all. Or at least, that's what Newt has been trying to convince himself. He walks slowly to school the next day. Thomas smiles when he sees him and everything Newt had been thinking about flies out of his head. Blood rushes to his cheeks and his eyes widen. 

"Er..." He says. "Hey, Tommy. What's up?"

"Just happy to see you." Thomas says, still smiling. Newt smiles, probably too much but he can't think of anything to say next. "Uh...you good?" Thomas says.

"Sorry!" Newt says, shaking his head. "I'm fine, just...distracted."

"By what?" Thomas asks.

"Noth-nothing." Newt says. "Just tired, I guess." He laughs nervously.

"Okay, you have been acting really weird since school started." Thomas says.

"Tommy, it's only been two days." Newt says. 

"And you've been acting weird for both of them!" He says. 

"I'm not acting weird." Newt says. 

"No, you're right," Thomas says. "You've been acting really weird."

"I have not." Newt says. He's trying really hard to keep it together. "Seriously."

"Newt, we've been best friends for ten years." Thomas says. "I know you. I know that this is not normal."

Newt bites his lip. "Tommy, you just..." He sighs. "I am acting normal." Thomas looks at him. Newt looks at him too and their eyes meet. Newt's heart jumps into his throat. "I-I gotta go." He says, getting up.

"Where?" Thomas says. 

"Uh..." Newt says. "The bathroom." He figures that's a reasonable excuse. 

"Bullshit." Thomas says. "Are you avoiding me?"

"No." Newt says. "I'm not-I'm not avoiding you."

"Well, then what are you avoiding?" Thomas asks. 

"I'm not avoiding anything!" Newt says.

"Then what the hell is wrong with you!?" He cries. "You are not normally like this!"

"Tommy, nothing is wrong!" Newt says, tears forming in his eyes. "Please, I just...I'm fine. I'm not avoiding you. Nothing is wrong. I'm not acting weird."

Thomas sighs, looking at him. "Newt...you can't just run away from your problems."

"I don't have any problems!" Newt says. "And I'm not running away from anything! I don't run! Running is stupid! And that's not...that's not...just...I'm going to the fucking bathroom, okay? I'm not avoiding you."

"Then what are you doing?" Thomas asks. "What are you doing?"

Newt sighs. "I don't know."

He walks out of the room, ignoring Thomas's protests. He sinks down the floor in the hallway. He buries his head in his hands. Lizzy can't be right. She can't be. He cannot like Thomas; not like that. This would be so much easier if he could just pretend. But he can't. Not when Thomas is his best friend. 

He groans, leaning back against the wall. He runs a hand through his hair. He hears a door open. He looks up. It's Thomas.

"Tommy, I swear I'm fine." Newt says as he walks over to him.

"Then why are you on the ground in the hallway?" Thomas asks. 

"The room is too small." Newt says. 

Thomas sighs. He puts a hand on Newt's knee. Newt's eyes widen and his breathing quickens. 

"What the hell is wrong?" Thomas asks. "Look at you! You're not fine!"

"Tommy, please, I'm okay." Newt says, trying not to cry. "I'm great! Maybe I just changed over the summer!"

"No." Thomas says. "You haven't. That isn't what this is. Newt, please tell me what's wrong."

"There's nothing-there's nothing wrong." He says. "And even if there was, I couldn't tell you."

"Why not?" Thomas asks.

"Shit." Newt says. "I mean, because...because..."

"I'm your best friend," Thomas says. "You can tell me anything."

"Not this." Newt says. "You'd hate me and I really can't lose my best friend."

"Newt, I could never hate you." Thomas says.

"You don't know that." Newt says. "You really don't know that. I'm fine, Tommy, so just stop asking."

He gets up and walks back into the classroom, shaking slightly.

A/N: I am so tired i had to wake up way too early. well, thanks for reading. love you guys. <3.