SAVING KYLE: A lost angle

Living in Denial

             After Kyle had finally explain his feelings to me, we were back to the happy loving friendship we were before. I had loved him even more than before. I didn't even care if he dated someone, he showed me that our friendship was important to him and that's all I cared about. I realized it was okay to love your friend. I don't know if I  loved my family, but he taught me it was okay too. He didn't force me or make me do what I didn't want to do, and that made me so happy. So one step at a time he helped me unfold my shell towards my family. I'm still trying, opening for me is hard. I'd introduce to him my other sisters and they loved him from the very first time meeting him. He was like an actual angel. I often got really confused about why people at school would treat him wrong. I loved loved him, My family loved him..what was I missing? Could they have just been blind, or jealous? I was convinced it was jealousy. What else could it be? Then he showed me his scares. I almost died. I couldn't believe this. I was furious, filled with rage. I couldn't believe he had been suffering so bad that he felt that was the only way. I just wanted to kill the people at his school, run to his family and yell "HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?' But I couldn't. I was 16 and I didn't have a car to get to them. Kyle lived 8 and a half hours away on foot and that's all I had.

I was so angry almost every day knowing he had to go back to school with those mean bullies. I didn't even notice my own, they didn't matter to me. Kyle was the only person I worried about. After this I showered him with love. Convincing him they were jealous and he didnt need to worry about them. I often gave him advice I could never take myself. Soon Kyle stopped caring about them, or maybe he didn't want me to worry. I knew when he was upset, even when he tried to hide it. I tried my best to make him the happiest person on earth. It wasn't hard to convince Kyle that he was special, beautiful, and amazing, because it was true. I had loved Kyle so much he was perfect to me, and anyone I introduced him to. He was so kind and warm-hearted, who could not love him? Talking to each other became a new lifestyle. We'd soon realized we were too perfect for each other. We knew the right things to say, and do to make the other happy. Although we didn't tell each other anything. we just knew. Our friendship would last forever. Anyone who'd come across thought it was more, but we just denied, denied, denied. We didn't want to ruin our friendship, because we didn't know how the other felt personally. And I didn't want to hurt my sister. Everything was the same after all, besides 20 more hearts, multiple I love you's and around the clock, I miss you's. It was true I missed him every second. It had only been a couple of weeks and we had sent  47,000 messages. Then one day he send me a letter he previously wrote for me.

''My bestest friend, my universe, my everything. She knows how much I love, respect, and appreciates everything about her. Nothing will ever stop me from loving her and one day being able to see her every day. Nobody's ever made me this happy before, and I always wonder what I ever did to deserve her. She gives me so much motivation to do everything I do, every day I wake up. Ur the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of before I go to sleep. I can't believe how lucky I am to have her in my life. I'll never do anything to lose her and she knows that. It's crazy how much one person can affect your life, and I never thought id find someone as amazing, nice, sweet, caring, loving, funny, and all-around perfect as her. I love you so much Amma, and just know that me and you are forever. Love, ur fruit....kyle "

   This was the beginning of a whole new chapter for us. I've never heard such nice things all at once. No one ever said any of that to me before. I almost cried. I was so happy that he was in my life. It's been a year and I haven't thought of depressing things, how much I hated school, or how I felt like an outsider to the world. Kyle had changed my life, as he said I did to him.  He gave me a new perspective on the world and showed me how much he cared. I felt as I was floating on clouds and I never wanted to come down. Everything was going so well. I asked my mom if we could transfer to his school, because she"d always go there for work anyway. I didn't see a harm in moving there, but her answer was no. I asked my mom could she call the school, but they refused saying we didn't live close enough. I hated this day. I still told Kyle I would find a way to go no matter what. I was stubborn. I often tried to push things I knew wouldn't work just for him. A few weeks later he told me his dad had passed. He was so broken-hearted, my heart hurt. I could believe life wasn't done giving him pain. He then told me the only thing that will bring him happiness is when we see each other everyday at school. I died inside. Eventually I had to tell him. He got his hopes up thinking he would finally have someone at school to be with. He felt so alone. It broke my heart to see him sad.

I tried to cheer him up, but it wasn't easy. He told me the only thing that is keeping him from deep depression is knowing that we will live together in the future. I was glad he found something to look forward too, but I knew he was still sad and that meant I could never really be happy. I told him I dedicated my life to him. I would make sure he is okay always, and no matter how dark he feels, even if he feels no one cares, I do. I loved him always and forever.

One day my sister decided she liked him again. This time was a little different because he asked me did I like him. I was so angry by this question I just wanted to smash my phone. He begged me to tell him what to do about this situation, but I just froze. I stayed silent for a couple of days. I was mad that it was true, I loved everything about him, but I knew my sister liked him. I didn't want to ruin anything, but my sister talked to other people and only I knew that. I was hurting, but I didn't know he was hurting too. After all I didn't explain myself I just had a tantrum. My sister would try everything to cheer him up, but she couldn't. He had thought I hated him forever, but I didn't. He showed her a necklace he had gotten for me for my 17th birthday, and thought I didn't want it or anything to do with him. She was so excited about his present. Soon they started arguing again, but he tried to explain to her why he felt the way he did. He didn't want anyone to be hurt by this. I only wanted everyone to be happy, I didn't mean to mess everything up. Maybe if I was honest from the start everything would have been fine. I apologized for everything, but I knew my sister had hated us both. But me more.