Losing Faith

𝟏𝟗

October.
Professor Anderson, you are an asshole.

—

𝐎 𝐂 𝐓 𝐎 𝐁 𝐄 𝐑.
A month before the party.

—

Faith was pensive, sitting in potions class, her eyes were fixed on the slightly open window, through which an inviting breeze came in, blowing on her pale face — she had been feeling ill for the last week.

The voice of the teacher, Professor Anderson, sounded muffled, as if from a distance, as if Faith was under water. Her gaze was focused on one point, because she knew that if she moved her eyes, she would feel sick again, her head would spin again; and it was unbearable for her.

She had never liked being sick in her life, especially in this way, when she was sick of food, drinks, smells, when her legs were shaking, as she took steps, when cold sweat stood out on her forehead and neck, and when the whole world turned black before her eyes — Faith had a bad feeling about this, and she waited with a sinking heart for the next day, the day when she would go to the hospital wing.

"Do you think Pansy will invite me to her party?"

Faith heard a whisper, a warm hand on her elbow. She slowly turned around, swallowing bitterness, and met the eyes of Nicole, who quickly glared at the professor, pretended to write down what he was telling.

Nicole bit her lip, looking up at her friend again, an expression of expectation in her dark eyes. She was not too sociable and communicated best with Faith, but the fear of not being invited to the party, the fear of becoming the cause of gossip and speculation, ate the redhead from the inside.

"Why wouldn't she invite you?" Faith whispered back, not even making sure that no one had heard them. She tried to keep her cool and unperturbed, she tried to make her voice more firm, she tried not to breathe too deeply and hard, so as not to cause unnecessary questions; she didn't care about the party, about Pansy and whether Nicole was invited there or not — all that worried Faith at that moment was focusing on not throwing up.

"I don't know, we do not communicate well, and in principle, I am not often called to parties." Nicole looked down again, nervously picking at a piece of parchment with her quill, unlike Faith, she was not able to hide what was on her soul.

"Even if she does not invite you, this is not a reason to be upset. Do you want me not to go either? I don't care about her party."

"No, you don't have to do this and refuse to have fun, just because I've always shown myself to be an antisocial and boring bore."

Faith sighed at this, falling silent. Deep down, she hoped that Pansy wasn't going to invite Nicole, because then Faith would have had a reason not to go either; and who knew how much she didn't want to "have fun".

Or maybe, on the contrary, she should have taken her mind off and relaxed from all the mess that was happening in her life; she hadn't decided yet, she needed to consult with Theo, the only person she could trust and rely on.

After she told him about Draco and Astoria, she felt as if the weight on her chest had eased twice, as if her head had become slightly empty, as if it had become easier for her to breathe after sharing this, after she decided to let Theodore take away some of her suffering. Although she was hiding something more serious and shocking, it was easier for her to know that for now, he was by her side.